Clean jokes - post 'em here

The light-hearted side of life
Scrabble817
Posts: 26
Joined: Mon Sep 15 2014 7:30pm
Has thanked: 28 times
Been thanked: 25 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by Scrabble817 » Mon Oct 30 2017 1:39am

My clock went back in the spring - I hadn't kept up the payments.

kevinchess1
Posts: 23770
Joined: Mon Jun 28 2010 11:02pm
Location: Miles away from the sea
Has thanked: 12599 times
Been thanked: 17167 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Mon Oct 30 2017 11:01pm

I wouldn't say expresso mean but he turned off the lights last Halloween and pretended to not be in. :shock:

Which is why he lost his job as a lighthouse keeper :D
Thanked by: Mel, blythburgh, Chadwick
Politically incorrect since 69

kevinchess1
Posts: 23770
Joined: Mon Jun 28 2010 11:02pm
Location: Miles away from the sea
Has thanked: 12599 times
Been thanked: 17167 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Wed Nov 01 2017 9:46pm

What do you call a woman who's trying to get to the front of a crowd?
Jocelyn
Thanked by: Chadwick, blythburgh
Politically incorrect since 69

kevinchess1
Posts: 23770
Joined: Mon Jun 28 2010 11:02pm
Location: Miles away from the sea
Has thanked: 12599 times
Been thanked: 17167 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sat Nov 04 2017 1:06pm

Breaking News!

Little Red riding hood has been found by a member of the public, unconscious and in a critical condition.

Paramedics have stabilised her condition and the Air Ambulance is in attendance.

However, I must stress, she is not out of the woods yet.
Thanked by: Denant, Chadwick, blythburgh
Politically incorrect since 69

pakefield
Posts: 546
Joined: Sat Jan 03 2015 6:35pm
Has thanked: 1035 times
Been thanked: 218 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by pakefield » Sat Nov 04 2017 4:54pm

A friend was sent this by a friend and he showed us his phone so we could read the text:

"I bought these shoes from a drug dealer. No idea what he laced them with but I keep tripping"
Thanked by: kevinchess1

kevinchess1
Posts: 23770
Joined: Mon Jun 28 2010 11:02pm
Location: Miles away from the sea
Has thanked: 12599 times
Been thanked: 17167 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sat Nov 18 2017 10:33pm

Q. How many expreso does it take to change a lightbulb?

A It's not that dark!'
Thanked by: blythburgh
Politically incorrect since 69

kevinchess1
Posts: 23770
Joined: Mon Jun 28 2010 11:02pm
Location: Miles away from the sea
Has thanked: 12599 times
Been thanked: 17167 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Mon Nov 20 2017 8:06am

'I don't believe it! £1.50 for a cup of tea, £2.25 for 3 custard creams...' shouted Raich

'Look Raich, you just popped round I didn't invite you' said expresso
Thanked by: blythburgh
Politically incorrect since 69

Chadwick
Posts: 2435
Joined: Mon Jul 05 2010 4:21pm
Has thanked: 1234 times
Been thanked: 2583 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by Chadwick » Mon Nov 20 2017 9:08am

There is continuing debate about which is the UK's second city. The frontrunners were asked to make nominations.
Edinburgh, Belfast and Cardiff naturally nominated themselves. As did Birmingham, Manchester and Glasgow.
Liverpool nominated London.
Last edited by Chadwick on Fri Nov 24 2017 9:18am, edited 1 time in total.
Thanked by: blythburgh, Denant, kevinchess1

kevinchess1
Posts: 23770
Joined: Mon Jun 28 2010 11:02pm
Location: Miles away from the sea
Has thanked: 12599 times
Been thanked: 17167 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Thu Nov 23 2017 8:03pm

While he was out, I fixed an ejector seat to expresso stair lift :!:
He went through the roof
Politically incorrect since 69

macliam
Posts: 11226
Joined: Thu Jul 18 2013 12:26pm
Location: By the Deben, Suffolk
Has thanked: 1630 times
Been thanked: 9281 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Thu Nov 23 2017 9:04pm

Chadwick wrote:There is continuing debate about which is the UK's second city. The frontrunners were asked to make nominations.
Edinburgh, Dublin and Cardiff naturally nominated themselves. As did Birmingham, Manchester and Glasgow.
Liverpool nominated London.
I missed this one - it must be from "The Cream of Jokes", pre 1921!!
Image
Here's another
- An Irish post boy, having driven a gentleman a long stage , during torrents of rain , the latter civily said to him: “Paddy are you not very wet?”
“Arrah! I don’t care about being very wet; but , plaze yer honour , I’m very dry.!
Thanked by: Chadwick, kevinchess1
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

Locked

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 8 guests