Clean jokes - post 'em here

The light-hearted side of life
kevinchess1
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Wed Jul 12 2017 9:06pm

Better than my Lady therapist
said I was 'A Misogynistic, paranoid, socipath.' Didn't actually say that but I knew she was thinking it
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Fri Jul 14 2017 11:56pm

Looking at the weather app to check so I just asked Siri:
"Surely it's not going to rain again today?"
It replied, "it is, and don't call me Shirley!"
Forgotten to take my phone off Airplane mode!!
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kevinchess1
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sat Jul 15 2017 3:01pm

I've just heard that the guy who stole my diary has passed away.
My thoughts are with his family.
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sun Jul 16 2017 7:16pm

"Sarcasm will get you nowhere in life." my boss told me.
"No? Well, It got me all the way to the 'International Sarcasm' finals in Chile in 2009."
"Really?"
"No"
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by Scrabble817 » Mon Jul 31 2017 1:22am

I bought a bag of stable manure from my local garden centre, but after I got it home it fell over. Should I take it back for a refund?
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Tue Aug 01 2017 6:37pm

I saw a dyslexic Yorkshire man the other day.

He was wearing a cat flap.
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blythburgh
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by blythburgh » Wed Aug 02 2017 10:09am

Kim Kardashian to Kanye West:

"Honey, does my bum look big in this dress?"

"Of course, Kim but it looked bigger in the orange one."

"Thanks, Honey, the orange dress is what i will wear to the Award Ceremony then. As one of the hosts I must look my very best."
Last edited by blythburgh on Wed Aug 02 2017 10:12am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by blythburgh » Wed Aug 02 2017 10:11am

blytthburgh askedo pakefield: "Does my bum look big in this?"

pakefield replied, "it looks big in everything".

pakefield then headed for the A and E dept.
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Thu Aug 03 2017 9:15pm

I went into Toys R Us earlier, I said to the assistant:

"Where are the Schwarzenegger dolls?"

He said, "Aisle B, back."
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by expressman33 » Fri Aug 04 2017 3:37pm

When I was in chemistry class at school the teacher asked if we knew the chemical symbol for Iron.
I put my hand up and said "if it's new Iron it's Fe , but if it's old Iron it's Ne."
The teacher replied "Fe is correct but where do you get the Ne from"
I replied " It say's it in the song , Any (Ne) old iron"

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