Clean jokes - post 'em here

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Chadwick
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by Chadwick » Fri Nov 24 2017 9:21am

macliam wrote:
Chadwick wrote:There is continuing debate about which is the UK's second city. The frontrunners were asked to make nominations.
Edinburgh, Dublin and Cardiff naturally nominated themselves. As did Birmingham, Manchester and Glasgow.
Liverpool nominated London.
I missed this one - it must be from "The Cream of Jokes", pre 1921!!
You know when you're concentrating so hard on NOT doing the thing wrong, so much that you actually end up doing exactly what you were trying to avoid doing?

Well, that. :oops:


My apologies to you and everyone else in Norfolk who was offended.

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Wed Nov 29 2017 11:58pm

Do you know what I really REALLY hate?
Posters who answer their own questions :evil:
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Thu Nov 30 2017 10:40pm

Bitterly cold this morning.
Wife says 'I'm going to scrape the car.;
My comment 'Against what?' wasn't 'helpful.'
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Fri Dec 01 2017 4:51pm

Salesman knock on my door and asked 'Who is currently providing your internet?'
I replied 'My next door neighbour!' :D
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sun Dec 03 2017 7:30pm

I’ve just won 87 straight games of rock, paper, scissors against Edward Scissorhands.
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sat Dec 09 2017 10:21am

Mackem was so drunk last night.
When he got to the bottom of the stairs, he took off my shoes, coat, t-shirt, trousers, underwear and crept upstairs very quietly....

They threw him off the bus!
Thanked by: 1960mackem, Mel
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Chadwick
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by Chadwick » Tue Dec 12 2017 10:44am

kevinchess1 wrote:Mackem was so drunk last night.
When he got to the bottom of the stairs, he took off my shoes, coat, t-shirt, trousers, underwear and crept upstairs very quietly....

They threw him off the bus!
I hope you got dressed afterwards. It was cold last night.

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Wed Dec 13 2017 3:08pm

'NO' I yelled at this in the street 'I AM NOT GIVING YOU MONEY, you will just spend it on DRUGS!;
bLOOMING cANCER RESEARCH CHARITIES
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Fri Dec 15 2017 5:27pm

Give a Daily Clicker a fish he'll eat for a day.

Teach a daily Clicker to fish and he'll asked 'where are all the free fish?' and threaten to sue.
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by Constantine » Tue Dec 26 2017 2:41pm

An actual funny joke from a Carry On film.

A bloke is applying to join a matrimonial agency.

Q: Have you been married before, sir?
A: Yes, twice.
Q:What happened to your first marriage?
A: She died after eating some poisonous mushrooms.
Q: Oh dear, how unfortunate, And what about your second marriage?
A: My second wife died from a fractured skull.
Q: How did that happen?
A: She refused to eat the mushrooms.

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