Over 18s jokes - post here

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Re: Over 18s jokes - post here

Post by macliam » Wed May 09 2018 1:24pm

Chadwick wrote:Blind prostitutes.
You've got to hand it to them.
Can't see the point......
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Re: Over 18s jokes - post here

Post by Chadwick » Mon May 14 2018 9:18am

I hate gay paedophiles. Fucking immature assholes.
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Re: Over 18s jokes - post here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sat May 26 2018 11:54pm

A report has come in that after the defeat to Real Madrid, a severely depressed Loris Karius tried to end it all by throwing himself in front of a Kiev taxi outside the Olimpiyskiy stadium.


It ended up going under him
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Re: Over 18s jokes - post here

Post by kevinchess1 » Mon May 28 2018 11:21pm

I applied to be a sperm donor and the nurse asked if I could masturbate in the cup.
I told her I'm pretty good but I don't think I'm ready to compete in a tournament yet.
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Re: Over 18s jokes - post here

Post by kevinchess1 » Tue May 29 2018 11:56am

Boro Boy’s wife is doing an experiment. She's wearing a Liverpool shirt for a week to get peoples reactions

So far she's been kicked punched and spat on!
Who knows what's gonna happen when she actually leaves the house.
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Re: Over 18s jokes - post here

Post by kevinchess1 » Fri Jun 01 2018 11:39am

Got offered sex today, with a 21yr old lady. In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner On Imutual

I declined cause I've high moral standards & strong willpower. :!:

Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available scented with lemon :thumbup:
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Re: Over 18s jokes - post here

Post by kevinchess1 » Tue Jun 05 2018 12:03pm

I was a bit taken aboack when my girlfriend got down on her knees
'She's a bit saucy' i thought as i undid my flies
Turns out she was going to propose :shock:
They chucked us out of the restaurant
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Re: Over 18s jokes - post here

Post by kevinchess1 » Tue Jun 05 2018 10:13pm

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle, they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, 'Dat's dem.'
The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.
'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies
in dat cage up dere,' says Gerry.
The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box.
Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass.
At the Connor Pass , Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, 'Dis looks like a grand place.'
He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff.
Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.
Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, 'Fook dat.
Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!'
THERE'S MORE...

Moment's later; Seamus arrives up at ConnorPass.
He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in the other.
'Hi, Paddy, watch dis,' Seamus says.
He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free.
He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun.
Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot.
Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone
in his body.
Paddy shakes his head and says, 'And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either!'

IT IS NOT OVER YET...

Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing
two friends when Sean appears.
He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of which he pulls a chicken.
Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.
Once more Paddy shakes his head.
'Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrotshooting... And now Sean and his fook'n hengliding!'
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Re: Over 18s jokes - post here

Post by macliam » Tue Jun 05 2018 10:40pm

kevinchess1 wrote:Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle, they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, 'Dat's dem.'
The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.
'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies
in dat cage up dere,' says Gerry.
The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box.
Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass.
At the Connor Pass , Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, 'Dis looks like a grand place.'
He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff.
Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.
Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, 'Fook dat.
Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!'
THERE'S MORE...

Moment's later; Seamus arrives up at ConnorPass.
He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in the other.
'Hi, Paddy, watch dis,' Seamus says.
He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free.
He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun.
Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot.
Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone
in his body.
Paddy shakes his head and says, 'And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either!'

IT IS NOT OVER YET...

Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing
two friends when Sean appears.
He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of which he pulls a chicken.
Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.
Once more Paddy shakes his head.
'Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrotshooting... And now Sean and his fook'n hengliding!'
It's all true - here's Seamus chatting to the President Michael D himself!!
Image
Dingle is great and the Conor (one "n)" is spectacular
Image
Flight to Shannon, cross the river, Fish & Chips from Donkey Ford's, a glass at Dolan's then off down the N21 to Adare. Rathkeale, Newcastle West and on the the Kingdom, Tralee and Dingle. Next day......
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Re: Over 18s jokes - post here

Post by kevinchess1 » Fri Jun 08 2018 3:44pm

As a tribute to Peter Stringfellow, all the dancers at the Brown Jelly club will be wearing their thongs at half mast today.
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