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Dave Allen is alive and wellmacliam wrote:There's a terrible accident and a busload of convent girls perish.
They arrive at the pearly gates and St.Peter stands there to check them in.
He turns to the first girl "Now, Naoimh, tell me - did ye ever have contact with a male organ?"
Naoimh blushes and says "I can't lie sir, I did once touch the head of one with my finger..."
"Right-oh," says St.Peter "wash yer finger in this Holy Water and ye can pass through"
He turns to the second and says "Well, Saoirse, did ye ever have contact with a male organ?"
Saoirse reddens deeply and says "I did once give me boyfriend a hand job..."
"OK," says St.Peter "Wash yer whole hand in this Holy Water and ye can pass through"
Suddenly there's a commotion amongst the rest of the girls and Siobhan pushes forward
"Me next!" says Siobhan
"Now, tell me," says St.Peter "What's yer rush, me calling?"
"Well now," says Siobhan "If I've got to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Mairead sticks her arse in it!!!"
'But what I don't really understand.' said the devil 'Is why you gave the Irish potatoes and the oil to the Arabs?'macliam wrote:God and the devil were discussing the way he made the world.
"I like symmetry" said God, "Take the Sahara, I balanced that by making the North Pole".
"Then there's Holland, so flat and low - I balanced that by making Tibet"
"I see," said the devil "But explain to me how that works with Ireland - so green, great music, great craic - and the Guinness! - how did you balance that?"
"You should see the wankers I gave them as neighbours......."
Right, so. Take away the beauty, the loughs, the mountains and the craic and what have ye got?kevinchess1 wrote:'But what I don't really understand.' said the devil 'Is why you gave the Irish potatoes and the oil to the Arabs?'macliam wrote:God and the devil were discussing the way he made the world.
"I like symmetry" said God, "Take the Sahara, I balanced that by making the North Pole".
"Then there's Holland, so flat and low - I balanced that by making Tibet"
"I see," said the devil "But explain to me how that works with Ireland - so green, great music, great craic - and the Guinness! - how did you balance that?"
"You should see the wankers I gave them as neighbours......."
'Well' says God 'I gave the Irish the first pick!'
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