Clean jokes - post 'em here

The light-hearted side of life
kevinchess1
Posts: 23770
Joined: Mon Jun 28 2010 11:02pm
Location: Miles away from the sea
Has thanked: 12599 times
Been thanked: 17167 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Fri Jun 15 2018 10:51pm

After a long journey in the desert, two “proper English Gents” arrive at a small town. The get off their camels and go off in search of a well needed drink of water. They walk into the local market and ask one of the stall holders if they could buy some water “I’m sorry, I have no water but I can sell you some lovely refreshing jelly and custard”.
“Jelly and custard? No, we want some water, thanks anyway”.
The two walk to the next stall and ask the stall holder if they can buy some water. Once again they are told that there is no water but they could buy some jelly and custard, again they refuse and go to the next stall. The same thing happens here and at the next five stalls.
Eventually the two English Gents give up and decide to make the journey to the next town where they know there is a public well where water is plentiful and free. As they leave the town one chap turns to the other and says “Don’t you find it odd that all of those stalls only sold jelly and custard?”
“Yes” replied the other “It was a trifle bazaar”
Politically incorrect since 69

kevinchess1
Posts: 23770
Joined: Mon Jun 28 2010 11:02pm
Location: Miles away from the sea
Has thanked: 12599 times
Been thanked: 17167 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Fri Jun 15 2018 11:02pm

Can't believe they've banned us from wearing England shirts at work for the duration of the World Cup. :thumbdown:

It's political correctness gone mad. :(

Makes me want to quit the funeral business once and for all. :?
Thanked by: Chadwick
Politically incorrect since 69

kevinchess1
Posts: 23770
Joined: Mon Jun 28 2010 11:02pm
Location: Miles away from the sea
Has thanked: 12599 times
Been thanked: 17167 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Fri Jun 15 2018 11:47pm

I’ve been watching a wasp on my window. It got in easy enough but now struggles to escape, despite there being a clear way out.

#pakefielsLaw
Politically incorrect since 69

kevinchess1
Posts: 23770
Joined: Mon Jun 28 2010 11:02pm
Location: Miles away from the sea
Has thanked: 12599 times
Been thanked: 17167 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sun Jun 17 2018 10:26pm

Two ice cream biscuits standing in the arrivals lounge at Glasgow airport.
One turns to the other and says, how long you been a wafer?
Thanked by: Chadwick, macliam
Politically incorrect since 69

kevinchess1
Posts: 23770
Joined: Mon Jun 28 2010 11:02pm
Location: Miles away from the sea
Has thanked: 12599 times
Been thanked: 17167 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Mon Jun 18 2018 8:00am

I have a phobia about escalators and lifts

I always take steps to avoid them .
Thanked by: Beachboy, Chadwick
Politically incorrect since 69

kevinchess1
Posts: 23770
Joined: Mon Jun 28 2010 11:02pm
Location: Miles away from the sea
Has thanked: 12599 times
Been thanked: 17167 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Thu Jun 21 2018 7:11pm

This spaceship landed very near me the other day so I went over to have a look. The main door opened and out stepped a 20ft high Cream Bun. Turned out it was one of those extra cholesterols.
Thanked by: Chadwick
Politically incorrect since 69

kevinchess1
Posts: 23770
Joined: Mon Jun 28 2010 11:02pm
Location: Miles away from the sea
Has thanked: 12599 times
Been thanked: 17167 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Fri Jun 22 2018 8:44pm

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks the horse if it's an alcoholic considering all the bars he frequents, to which the horse replies "I think not!" POOF! The horse disappears.

This, of course, is the point in time when the philosophy students reading should begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am.

I would have explained that the concept beforehand but that would be putting Descartes before the horse.

(Chadwick will explain this joke)
Politically incorrect since 69

kevinchess1
Posts: 23770
Joined: Mon Jun 28 2010 11:02pm
Location: Miles away from the sea
Has thanked: 12599 times
Been thanked: 17167 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sat Jun 23 2018 11:58pm

Spain completed 850 passes in thier world cup game the other night . :shock:
The only way england could equal that is if we put Harry kane on mastermind . :?
Politically incorrect since 69

blythburgh
Posts: 17737
Joined: Tue Jun 29 2010 7:14pm
Location: The Far East
Has thanked: 35005 times
Been thanked: 6106 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by blythburgh » Sun Jun 24 2018 9:34am

A couple from my friend, Dave:

1) a snail took off his shell in the hope it would make him faster. Unfortunately it only made him more sluggish.

2) he saw this on a gents lavatory wall many years ago: Be alert, your country needs lerts
Thanked by: kevinchess1
Keep smiling because the light at the end of someone's tunnel may be you, Ron Cheneler

kevinchess1
Posts: 23770
Joined: Mon Jun 28 2010 11:02pm
Location: Miles away from the sea
Has thanked: 12599 times
Been thanked: 17167 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Thu Jun 28 2018 9:17pm

It's nearly that time of year again for Wimbledon, our workforce will be tested once again with an estimated 15 tonnes of rubbish generated throughout the event. We are urging people to take their rubbish home with them and to use the litter bins provided around the venue.

Yours sincerely



Great Uncle Bulgaria
Politically incorrect since 69

Locked

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 7 guests