imutual.co.uk

WJ goes to the Doctors and says 'I think I'm addicted to Twitter..'

Dr: Sorry...I don't follow you...

"What have you done to your leg?" Asked mackem as I limped down road.

"I tripped and fell on my son's fidget spinner in the bath." I told him.

"I'm not sure what one of those is.." he replied.

"It's a big white tub that Southerners wash themselves in." I explained.

I was watching a Zombie film and Luke says 'Why do you keep watching these type of film Kenny?'

'Well' I says 'I know it's unlikely and a real long shot but i feel it's right to be prepared, just in case!'
'Luke replies 'That the same reason I watch porn.'

On this day in 1940 Mel’s grandfather was responsible for the downing of 6 German Aircraft , with the death of 34 German Aircrew.
He was the worst aircraft mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

As the crowd gathered around the crashed motorcycleist, Chadwick makes his way through the crowd yelling ‘Let me pass, get out of my way excuse me.’ ‘Are you a doctor?’ Someone asks ‘No but that’s my pizza.’

I am having trouble reading the posts on the forum.

I used to be bothered by the fog from Thunderfog ,now it is the noise from AAAlphaThunder that is so loud I cannot concentrate.

Convince your colleagues you been working hard by lowering your tie knot 2 inches

Mackem : I want to divorce my wife.
Lawyer : On what grounds?
Mackem: She's out all night, every night, going from bar to bar.
Lawyer : Are you saying she's an alcoholic or do you think she's cheating?
Mackem: No, she's looking for me.

IDSIS was in the kitchen the other morning cooking me bacon & eggs when I suddenly heard a loud thud. Running in I found her collapsed on the floor & not breathing. I had no idea what to do.

Then I remembered, Wetherspoons do an all-day breakfast for just £3.99.

Mackem’s 9 year old son says to him ‘My teacher says you’re a bad parent dad!’
Mackem replies ‘Right we will go and have a word with him as soon as we finish our pints.’