Christmas Jokes

[kevinchess1]

Resturant owner 'So, if I've got this right Judas, you want a table for 26 but only 13 people will be eating?'
Judas 'Yes that's right, we are only sitting down one side.'

Restaurant Owner: "And this is for your Christmas party?"
Judas: "Yes. But just before Easter. You'll still have Christmas decs up won't you?"


[Camera pans across the restaurant to a table in the corner where a young couple are about to order dessert...]

Waiter: "And for you Madam?"
Mary: "The baby cheeses"

Waiter tuerns to Joseph and says 'Would sir like to see the Cheese bored?'
'BORED' Says Joseph 'Yes I'd love to see the Cheese BORED!'

Waiter says 'Okay sir, I'll get Chadwick to tell it some of his Christmas jokes.'

[Chadwick]

I'm finding it harder each year to get an advent calendar.

I think their days are numbered.

[kevinchess1]

Last Christmas Chadwick got a Thesaurus as a present but all the pages were blank
He had no words to describe his feeling

[kevinchess1]

For Christmas blythburgh got a petticoat that has tiny little penises printed on it.
It was a Freudian slip

[kevinchess1]

Dear Chris Rea,

If you set off today, you should be able to avoid any seasonal transport issues!

[kevinchess1]

Christmas dinner is just like any other dinner to me...

Sitting at the table with a fat bird that doesn't gobble anymore!

[kevinchess1]

4 Stages of life

1. You believe in Santa Claus
2. You don't believe in Santa Claus
3 You are Santa Claus
4 You look like Santa Claus

[macliam]

Mrs. O'Sahughnessy took her wee son Fachanan to pick out a Christmas card for his Da.

He picked up one card after another, opened them up and quickly shoved them back into place.

“What are ye doing?” asked yer one “Have ye not found a nice card for your Da yet?”

“No,” he replied. “none of them ones has money in it!”

[kevinchess1]

Got home today and all the doors and windows had been open and everything was gone
What type of sicko does that to an advent calendar

[kevinchess1]

Luke's Christmas letter;

Dear Santa..

Last year you got me a sweater for Christmas.

This year I would prefer a moaner or a screamer.