Clean jokes - post 'em here

The light-hearted side of life

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Postby kevinchess1 » Mon Feb 12, 2018 5:54 pm

Were you asked to walk 500 mile?
Were you asked to walk 500 more
You could be entitled to compensation
Ring the Pro-Claimers
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Postby kevinchess1 » Fri Feb 16, 2018 10:33 am

I'm getting bored of hearing these Olympic athletes say 'how much work they've put in and the sacrifices they've made' :(

What do they want? A medal ?
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Postby blythburgh » Fri Feb 16, 2018 10:45 am

kevinchess1 wrote:I'm getting bored of hearing these Olympic athletes say 'how much work they've put in and the sacrifices they've made' :(

What do they want? A medal ?


Nah, a warmer country in which to do their winter sports. Well some of them are complaining South Korea is too cold :roll:
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Postby kevinchess1 » Sat Feb 17, 2018 11:21 am

macliam wrote:
kevinchess1 wrote:I know it's the Winter olympics
but can we PLEASE avoid any jokes about ski jumping?
Its a slippery slope...

careful kev, you're skating on thin ice.


Only ice that interests me is in a Whiskey on the rocks :thumbup:
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Postby blythburgh » Sat Feb 17, 2018 11:37 am

kevinchess1 wrote:
macliam wrote:
kevinchess1 wrote:I know it's the Winter olympics
but can we PLEASE avoid any jokes about ski jumping?
Its a slippery slope...

careful kev, you're skating on thin ice.


Only ice that interests me is in a Whiskey on the rocks :thumbup:

So not watching dancing on ice then.
Keep smiling because the light at the end of someone's tunnel may be you, Ron Cheneler
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Postby macliam » Sat Feb 17, 2018 11:48 am

kevinchess1 wrote:
macliam wrote:
kevinchess1 wrote:I know it's the Winter olympics
but can we PLEASE avoid any jokes about ski jumping?
Its a slippery slope...

careful kev, you're skating on thin ice.


Only ice that interests me is in a Whiskey on the rocks :thumbup:

Well spelled! (not a common remark :))

Strange how alcohol is so often called "water"
Irish: Uisce Bheatha (water of life...... and the Scots can't even spell that right, so what chance whiskey?? ;))
French: Eau de Vie (ditto)
Scandinavian: Akvavit (ditto)
Portuguese: Aguardente (fiery water - or the Spanish Aguardiente, but why waste a letter?)
Russian: Vodka (little water - actually slavic, so Polish and others too)
....... Arak is a bit different, عرق (earaq) means "sweat" in Arabic!
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Postby kevinchess1 » Sat Feb 17, 2018 1:03 pm

kevinchess1 wrote:
macliam wrote:
kevinchess1 wrote:I know it's the Winter olympics
but can we PLEASE avoid any jokes about ski jumping?
Its a slippery slope...

careful kev, you're skating on thin ice.


Only ice that interests me is in a Whiskey on the rocks :thumbup:

Well spelled! (not a common remark :))

That old Pub quiz question

'How is Irish whiskey different from the rest?

My answer 'It taste like Guinness!' was not correct and enough to get me banned from County Armagh :(
Politically incorrect since 69

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Postby macliam » Sat Feb 17, 2018 1:58 pm

kevinchess1 wrote:
kevinchess1 wrote:
macliam wrote:Only ice that interests me is in a Whiskey on the rocks :thumbup:

Well spelled! (not a common remark :))


That old Pub quiz question

'How is Irish whiskey different from the rest?

My answer 'It taste like Guinness!' was not correct and enough to get me banned from County Armagh :(

Back in the day the English tourist was in for a shock if he asked for a "whisky and lemonade" in an Irish bar.
- Firstly, by default, it was Irish whiskey..... ;)
- Secondly "a whiskey" meant a glass, i.e. a double (a single is a half-glass).....:shock:
- Thirdly, In Ireland measures were 1/4 gill, not 1/6 gill, so an Irish double (Glass) = an English triple.... :crazy:
- Lastly, "lemonade", by default, was "red" (actually more like lucozade) and had added flavourings. :wtf:

So, said tourist was expecting his "Scotch and White" and actually got a triple Irish with a bottle of some kind of "lucozade" - and a hefty bill.. Ah sha, God love 'em! :mrgreen:

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Postby kevinchess1 » Sun Feb 18, 2018 8:52 pm

Did you hear about the drummer who gave all his daughters the same name?

Anna 1 Anna 2 Anna 3 Anna 4
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Postby kevinchess1 » Mon Feb 19, 2018 3:34 pm

Just been to the cinema to see a documentary about tea
Had a PG rating
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