A guy dressed as Batman came up to me & he hit me over the head with a vase & he went T'PAU! I said "Don't you mean KAPOW?? He said "No, I've got china in my hand."

I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said "Those are pickled onions"

I was half way through eating a horse and suddenly thought to myself, 'I'm not as hungry as I thought I was'

I don't watch much TV.. This is why I thought Benefits Street was a budget box of chocolates that you could buy at Lidl

I had a dream last night that I was stuck driving around a roundabout. My right hand was steering, my left hand was making pancakes... I spent all night tossing and turning.

Well done to all the winners and non-winners. And well done anyone else who was neither a winner nor a non-winner

Hello and welcome wolfeee

welcome borderjoe