Sign in a London bar "HAPPY HOUR - ALL YOU CAN DRINK FOR £10"

"Give me £20 worth" said Ciaran...................

"So Ciaran," said the man, "Ye didn't pull the curtains last night and I saw you in bed with your wife!"

"The joke's on you!, said Ciaran, "I wasn't home last night!!"

When i was an apprentice ages and ages and ages ago They use to use not just Metric and old money but a size called 'Whitworth?' which was also completely different That takes me back :thumbup: - Yes if I remember correctly, Whitworth spanners measure across the diagonal of the screw-thread whereas...

"Wasn't that a shame about Father Doolan......" said the widow O'Keefe
"What's that?" asked Mrs. Cafferty
"Killed he was, by Whiskey and women!"
"Don't tell me....." said Mrs. Cafferty
"Aye, he couldn't have either, so he hung himself!"

"Oh Father Murphy, " said Mary McGuire

"I'm looking to marry a fella, but he's an atheist - he doesn't believe in Heaven or Hell"

"Marry away" said the Priest "He'll learn to believe in Hell soon enough!"

When Co. Dublin played Co. Down in the 1994 all-Ireland football final, it was the first time ever that 30,000 banners proudly proclaimed "Up Down!!"

"What's the fare to Cashel" Seamus asked the bus driver "One Euro, 20" said the driver "Ah, I've only a Euro" said Seamus, "I'll run after the bus for a bit" After another two stops, Seamus asked the driver again "So, how much is it now?" 'One Euro, 50" said the driver "Ye're running the wrong way!"...

"Can you fill my flask with tea please?" asked Seamus of the cafe owner............. "Certainly sir," was the reply. "Good," said the Seamus "I'll have five cups, two with sugar and three without!!" :mrgreen: ... and with that I leave you for a couple of weeks as I jet off on my holidays. Keep smiling

Casey decided to set up a Zoo in the village. He wrote off to Dublin Zoo "Dear sir, I'm starting a zoo in Ballylongford and would like two mongooses ..." That didn't look right, so he tried "two mongeese" and that looked worse. "Two mongi", worse still. He was about to give up, but in the end he cra...

You are not authorised to read this forum.