So, it seems that what they call Nigel is correct (or almost!)

https://glosbe.com/ms/id/faraj

In Memory of the Pensford boy... This bloke arrives home in Bristol and goes upstairs to find his wife in the bath, stark naked with her big toe stuck in the tap. "Blimey dar, wos goin' on 'ere?" He says. "Ooh Albert, I were just messing about an' I got me toe stuck", said his wife. "Right", he says...

2 blokes down the a pub: "I just found out that my wife's been playing around for years. Well, I've had enough, I'm going to shoot her!!". "Jeez, mate, that's a bit extreme! But I've heard the surest way is to aim about two inches below her left nipple...." "Bugger that!" says the first bloke, "I wa...

Never buy a stupid dwarf - its not big and its not clever.

Anyway, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren't Happy

As the coffin of a Traffic Warden was being lowered into the ground, there came a shout from within:

"Help! Help! There's been a mistake, I'm not dead - I'm NOT dead"

But the priest replied "I'm sorry, but the paperwork has already been done......."

A couple of hoodies cracked my windscreen today



............. I suppose I could have swerved!

The old Portuguese farmer decided to go and check on his water hole and took along a basket so he could gather any fresh fruit on his walk. As he neared the water hole, he heard several young, female voices laughing and talking excitedly, but as he approached the three young tourists fled to the dee...

A Vicar on his way home from church passed a young man stretched out in the graveyard, catching the sun.

"Don't you know that sloth is one of the seven deadly sins, my son?" sad the vicar

"So is envy!" came the reply......

A solicitor from London was out shooting in Suffolk for the weekend. He spotted a mallard in flight and quickly raised his gun and shot it - but it fell into a neighbouring field. Just as he had climbed over the fence to get it, the old farmer arrived on his tractor - "Hold yew hard! "Where d'yew be...

Alec Salmond was rushing for his train from Westminster, so he hailed a taxi "How much to King's Cross?" asked Alex "That'll be £12" said the Taxi driver ".... and what about the luggage?" asked Alex "oh, that's free" said the Taxi diver "Right ho," says Alex "You take the luggage on to the station ...