A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am." The man below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon ho...

An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the locals, and have a pint of bitter. After a while, he finds himself in a very nice neig...

A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any Bread?" Barman says: "No." Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No." Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No, we have no bread." Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No, we haven't got any bread!" Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No,...

A man sees a sign outside a house - 'Talking Dog For Sale .' He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden. The man sees a very nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there. "Do you really talk?" he asks the dog."Yes," the Labrador replies. After recove...

A professor at a Aberystwyth University and he gave a seminar on the supernatural a few years ago. To get a feel for his audience, he asked them, "How many of you here believe in ghosts?" About 80 students raised their hands. That's a good start he thought. He then asked "For those who believe in gh...

A husband suggests to his wife, "Why don't we change positions tonight?"

She says, "Great idea. You take the ironing board and I'll sit on the sofa and fart".

Denzil Penberthy, an elderly Cornish farmer, received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions, stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees enough and they would send an inspector to interview them. On the appointed day, the inspector turned up. "Tell me about your staff," he...

Little Red Riding Hood was getting ready to go and visit her grandmother in the forest and her mother said, "You'd better not go out tonight Little Red Riding Hood because the big bad wolf's out and you know what he'll do; he'll lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and sh...

A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie. The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, "Hello master, I will grant you one wish, anything you want." The Russian begins thinking, "Well, I really like drinking vodk...

One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one raises their hand. The teacher says, "See it's long neck? What animal has a long neck?" Sally holds up her hand and asks "is it a giraffe?" "Very good Sally," the teach...