In democracy, your vote counts.

In feudalism, your count votes.

If you take the p out of a pirate, it will make him very angry....

In my last job, I took orders from nobody.

My career in sales was short-lived.

Chinese takeaway - £18.50.

Petrol to get there - £1.85.

Realizing you forgot one of the containers - riceless...

I love the way the Earth rotates - it makes my day.

Hmm...

When Sweden plays Denmark, the scoreboard says SWE-DEN.

The leftover letters spell DEN-MARK.............

Ebay is totally useless.

I searched for "lighters" and got 12,544 matches.

I know a bloke who's addicted to brake fluid.

But he says he can stop any time........