Christmas Jokes

[kevinchess1]

Q. How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?

He felt his presents!

[kevinchess1]

Korean Christmas saying

'A dog is not just for Christmas
There will be some left for Boxing day

[kevinchess1]

Mackem asking Mrs mackem what she wants for Christmas..
'Oh please don't put your self out I can't be bothered.'
'Nonsense pet it's no trouble now what do you fancy? How about I take you clothes shopping, you could certainly do with smartening yourself up a bit.'
'I'd rather not going shopping with you.'
'Well how about some jewelry? Nice necklace might hide that scraggy neck of yours. some earings and then people might not notice your crows feet.'
'Thank you but no.'
'How about a little car then, you could pick me up from the pub every night?'
'..err no thanks.'
'What about...'
'A DIVORCE!' she screams 'I-WANT-A-DIVORCE!'
Mackem pauses befiore saying 'Actually i wasn't thinking of spending that much.'

[kevinchess1]

What is Father Christmas's favourite soft drink?
Fanta Claus

[macliam]

kev's having his mother-in-law for Christmas.

I'll just have turkey

[macliam]

One year, kev decided to buy his mother-in-law a coffin as a Christmas present.

The next year, he didn’t buy her anything.

When she asked why, he said “You still haven’t used what I bought you last year!”

..................and that, m'Lud, is how the fight started.

[kevinchess1]

Mrs maclaim made some underwear out of wrapping paper for Christmas
When she wakes up on Christmas morning she nudges him in the back and says saucily 'Do you want to unwrap your present?'
macliam replies 'Well I hope it better than that worn out 2nd hand, tired old rubbish you got me last year.'
Angrily she spins him round, he sighs and says 'Same as last year.'

[macliam]

kev met up with Santa - "I want a Ferrari for Christmas" he said

"Don't be daft" said Santa "try again"

"Ok, I want to be sure my wife is faithful", said kev

Santa frowned and asked "What colour Ferrari was that?"

[macliam]

From the national curriculum version of "A Christmas Carol"

"I am the ghost of Christmas Future Perfect Subjunctive........ I will show you what would have happened were you not to have changed your ways!"

[expressman33]

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."