Clean jokes - 2013

The light-hearted side of life
rayf
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by rayf » Sat Sep 14 2013 12:01am

kevinchess1 wrote:Got a job at a bowling alley
Not permanent just Tem pin :lol:
hope you don't go on strike :thumbup: :) :)
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macliam
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Sat Sep 14 2013 12:36pm

"Oh Father Murphy, " said Mary McGuire

"I'm looking to marry a fella, but he's an atheist - he doesn't believe in Heaven or Hell"

"Marry away" said the Priest "He'll learn to believe in Hell soon enough!"
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Mon Sep 23 2013 8:41pm

Casey decided to set up a Zoo in the village. He wrote off to Dublin Zoo

"Dear sir,
I'm starting a zoo in Ballylongford and would like two mongooses ..."

That didn't look right, so he tried "two mongeese" and that looked worse. "Two mongi", worse still.

He was about to give up, but in the end he cracked it...................

"Dear sir,
I'm starting a zoo in Ballylongford and would like a mongoose.
P.S. Please send another in case it gets lonely" :mrgreen:
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

macliam
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Tue Sep 24 2013 7:52pm

When Co. Dublin played Co. Down in the 1994 all-Ireland football final, it was the first time ever that 30,000 banners proudly proclaimed "Up Down!!" :mrgreen:
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Wed Sep 25 2013 11:47pm

"What's the fare to Cashel" Seamus asked the bus driver

"One Euro, 20" said the driver

"Ah, I've only a Euro" said Seamus, "I'll run after the bus for a bit"

After another two stops, Seamus asked the driver again "So, how much is it now?"

'One Euro, 50" said the driver "Ye're running the wrong way!" :mrgreen: '
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Thu Sep 26 2013 1:01pm

"Can you fill my flask with tea please?" asked Seamus of the cafe owner.............

"Certainly sir," was the reply.

"Good," said the Seamus "I'll have five cups, two with sugar and three without!!" :mrgreen:

... and with that I leave you for a couple of weeks as I jet off on my holidays. Keep smiling
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Mon Sep 30 2013 11:30pm

Manchester United have dropped the red devils nickname, they will now be named Port Talbot.

Because they are between Cardiff and Swansea. :lol:


After a bad week for my diet Weightwatchers have said I can only have 'Sunderland' food now (Single point) :o

It taken David Moyles 12 years but finally Everton are above Man UTD :thumbup:
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xxxraichxxx
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by xxxraichxxx » Wed Oct 16 2013 10:02pm

My mate died the other day from heartburn.
I can't believe Gavisgon!
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Mel
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by Mel » Wed Nov 20 2013 1:13am

Pride & Joy!



Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party

After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.

Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel.
He studied Economics
and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'

The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets He's so rich that he gave his best
friend a brand new jet for his birthday.'

The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his
birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.'

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations
for?'

One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ...What about your son?'

The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.'

The three friends said: 'What a shame... what a disappointment..'


The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him.
And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and
a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.’
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Fri Nov 22 2013 12:15am

I've just switched on the telly and seen the cast of Monty Python lined up.

"Are they next on the list for Operation Yewtree?"
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