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What did the pirate say when he turned 80?

Aye Matey

Alex Salmond says that 10 years after independence most Scots will still be using the Pound. The half dozen still living in Scotland will be using something else.

Roy Keane's not sure he'll still have the Ireland job at Christmas.
So he's working on his next "senior" role (if he can find the reindeer)

2 olives on a table
One rolls off!
So the other olive shouts down 'are you ok?'
The Olive replies
'Olllivvve'

My mate tried selling me 8 legs of venison yesterday

I told him it was 2 deer

ow to fall downstairs.
Step 1
Step 6
Step 8,9,10,11

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: 'Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: 'The driver just insulted me!' The man says: 'You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.

A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."

She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so it goes on, everywhere she touches makes her scream.

The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette, are you?"

She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."

"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."

As the coffin of a Traffic Warden was being lowered into the ground, there came a shout from within:

"Help! Help! There's been a mistake, I'm not dead - I'm NOT dead"

But the priest replied "I'm sorry, but the paperwork has already been done......."

Never buy a stupid dwarf - its not big and its not clever.

Anyway, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren't Happy