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Over 18s jokes - 2011

Posted: Tue Feb 22, 2011 2:43 pm
by 1960mackem
Did you hear the one about Oggy's original.............?

Neither did I , I'm still waiting :lol:

Re: Over 18s jokes - post here

Posted: Tue Feb 22, 2011 2:45 pm
by kevinchess1
What's the difference between Iron man and Iron woman :?:
First one's a film
2nd one an instruction :)

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Posted: Thu Feb 24, 2011 10:17 pm
by kevinchess1
Memo to all staff from CS
Notification to all staff regarding language:
Due to the politically correct movement, employees of this store must change the language they use on the froums
The following is a translation list for employee reference:

No f**king way = I'm fairly sure that's not feasible
You're f**king kidding = Really?
Who the f**k are you = Hi, we haven't met..
Tell someone who gives a f**k = Have you run that by the Manager?
No c**t told me = I wasn't involved in that project
You don't know sh*t = You seem perplexed
What the f**k do you want? = Hello, may I help you?
She's a ball-busting bitch = She's assertive
This place is f**ked = We're a bit disorganised today
Stick it up your ar*e = No thanks
You're a f**king w**ker =You are my supervisor and I respect you
You fat f**king loser =Gosh that was unfortunate!
I don't give a sh*t = I'll certainly think it over

Re: Over 18s jokes - post here

Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2011 7:59 am
by kevinchess1
A Welshman gets washed up on a desert island with just a sheep an a collie dog for company. After a few days the Welshman starts to feel a little frisky and starts eyeing up the sheep. The collie dogs instincts kick in and it won't let him anywhere near the sheep. The following morning, to his delight, a beautiful young girl is washed ashore. "you've saved my life" says the Welshman, "can you take this bloomin dog for a walk?"

Re: Over 18s jokes - post here

Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2011 2:51 pm
by kevinchess1
So, X-rated websites have been given the approval to have the XXX domain name?

Surely this is going to confuse the Mackem when he's shopping for clothes online :?:

Re: Over 18s jokes - post here

Posted: Mon Mar 28, 2011 11:25 am
by 1960mackem
Just been gang raped by a group of mime artists...... they did unspeakable things to me................ :shock:

I thought I'd be a gentleman and hold the door open for a young lady, two minutes later she said "will you sod off I'm trying to have a shit!!"......................... :o

Brought the missus some crotchless knickers yesterday, It had nothing to do with a sexual nature, it was so she could get a better grip on her broomstick.........................

Re: Over 18s jokes - post here

Posted: Sat Apr 02, 2011 5:05 pm
by blythburgh
A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down.

An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.

The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a' so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' and rode off.

'What did you do to get that Indian so excited?' asked the service-station attendant. 'Nothing,' the woman answered. 'I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off.'

'Lady,' the attendant said, 'Indians don't use saddles.

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Posted: Sat May 07, 2011 1:06 pm
by Alec3720
Appartantly Bin Laden was only located by the Americans after Birmingham City FC asked him to leave their trophy cabinet a few weeks ago!!!!

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Posted: Thu May 12, 2011 10:35 am
by 1960mackem
The missus asked if she pleased me in bed?
I said "yes, I love that trick you do with your mouth." . . . "What trick?" she asked?
"The one where you shut the f*ck up and go to sleep!"

Re: Over 18s jokes - post here

Posted: Thu Jun 16, 2011 12:03 pm
by richard@imutual
Trev died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly.
The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, John and Kevin.
The three men had always done everything together.
John arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet John said, 'Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.'
The mortician rolled him over and John said, 'Nope, ain't Trev.'
The mortician thought this was rather strange.
So he brought Kevin in to confirm the identity of the body.
Kevin looked at the body and said, 'Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over.'
The mortician rolled him over and Kevin said, 'No, it ain't Trev.'
The mortician asked, 'How can you tell?'
Kevin said, 'Well, Trev had two arseholes.'
'What? He had two arseholes?' asked the mortician.
'Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say:
There's Trev with them two arseholes.'