Clean jokes - post 'em here

The light-hearted side of life
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sat Apr 18 2020 11:58pm

expressman33 wrote:
Thu Apr 16 2020 11:04pm
I have a friend who is a pilot for Virgin Atlantic but, because of this lockdown, he's off work, l asked him if he fancied doing a bit of decorating for me while he's at a loose end and he jumped at the chance.

l must say, he made a lovely job of the landing.
Open my bedroom door this morning and there were loads of airplanes there :shock:

I'd left the Landing light on :)
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expressman33
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by expressman33 » Sun Apr 19 2020 1:29pm

Wife - "Could you please go and buy one carton of milk , and if they have eggs , get 6"

A short time late the husband reurns with 6 cartons of milk.

Wife - "Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

Husband - "They had eggs"
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expressman33
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by expressman33 » Sun Apr 19 2020 2:56pm

I've just started investing in stocks and shares , it's the only way I can get a little company.
Last edited by expressman33 on Sun Apr 19 2020 6:45pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by expressman33 » Sun Apr 19 2020 6:44pm

TripAdvisor have announced that the number 1 UK destination is.... the fridge!

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by expressman33 » Mon Apr 20 2020 6:29pm

We've got a small aviary in the garden, but one of the birds who lives there will only perform in the the late evenings to 80's music.

Our kestrel manoeuvres in the dark.

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by blythburgh » Tue Apr 21 2020 10:56am

expressman33 wrote:
Mon Apr 20 2020 6:29pm
We've got a small aviary in the garden, but one of the birds who lives there will only perform in the the late evenings to 80's music.

Our kestrel manoeuvres in the dark.
Guess he wants to be an owl when he grows up :lol:
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by expressman33 » Tue Apr 21 2020 4:26pm

Just got my train ticket for my holidays Image
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by expressman33 » Mon Apr 27 2020 12:03pm

The youngsters of today don't know about the four rings of relationships. First there's the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, followed by the eternity ring. Finally and the most important ring of all relationships, suffering.
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by adamred6 » Tue Apr 28 2020 7:48pm

My wife gets annoyed if I mess with her red wine, so I've added fruit and lemonade to it and now she's sangria than ever

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by Chadwick » Wed Apr 29 2020 4:36pm

I took the dogs for a walk the other day and took poo bags with me.

To be fair, the wife hates that nickname.
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