Clean jokes - post 'em here

[macliam]

The Sheikh was in Hospital for heart surgery, but he had a rare blood type so the call went out for a donor. The only candidate was his caddy, Mactavish, who willingly gave his blood for his employer.
After surgery, the Sheikh sent Mactavish a new BMW, some diamonds and an ingot of gold as a reward.

A couple of months later the Sheikh needed corrective surgery, so once again he needed blood. His doctor telephoned Mactavish, who was only too happy to donate his blood again. This time, after surgery, the Sheikh sent Mactavish a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street.

Mactavish was taken aback that the Sheikh had not rewarded him as before. So when the Sheikh played golf next time he approached his employer and said "The first time I gave blood for you, you were very generous - did I do something to displease you this time?"

The Sheikh replied "Aye laddie, but the noo I have Scottish blood in ma veins".

[macliam]

What do a Gypsy divorce and a tornado have in common?
In both cases, someone is going to lose a caravan.......

[kevinchess1]

The Sheikh was in Hospital for heart surgery, but he had a rare blood type so the call went out for a donor. The only candidate was his caddy, Mactavish, who willingly gave his blood for his employer.
After surgery, the Sheikh sent Mactavish a new BMW, some diamonds and an ingot of gold as a reward.

A couple of months later the Sheikh needed corrective surgery, so once again he needed blood. His doctor telephoned Mactavish, who was only too happy to donate his blood again. This time, after surgery, the Sheikh sent Mactavish a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street.

Mactavish was taken aback that the Sheikh had not rewarded him as before. So when the Sheikh played golf next time he approached his employer and said "The first time I gave blood for you, you were very generous - did I do something to displease you this time?"

The Sheikh replied "Aye laddie, but the noo I have Scottish blood in ma veins".

;But when I donate blood I'm not expected to put a needle in my arm, a nurse does all that.' I said
She replied 'Yes but that's not how we do it at the sperm clinic.'

[macliam]

I was about to reply, when I realised it's the Clean Jokes thread.....

[expressman33]

Flat Earth believers fear that social distancing may push some people over the edge.

[macliam]

Policeman: "I'm afraid a teenager has set fire to the school"

Parents: "Was it arson?"

Policeman: "Yes and he says it's all your fault and he hates you!"

[kevinchess1]

I took the dogs for a walk the other day and took poo bags with me.
To be fair, the wife hates that nickname.

I'm house hunting and have just seen a house with Period features

To be fair, the wife hates that nickname.

[kevinchess1]

I took the dogs for a walk the other day and took poo bags with me.
To be fair, the wife hates that nickname.

I phoned the current wife and said 'I'm just setting off home, do you want me to pick up Fish and Chips?'

She replied 'I hate it when you call the kids that

[kevinchess1]

"Are you a glass half full or half empty type of person?"

Mackem "Half full."

"Very good. So you're an optimist, always looking on the bright side of life?"

Mackem "No. I'm an alcoholic."

[kevinchess1]

I've just brought something marked 'Down.'

An escalator.