Clean jokes - post 'em here

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sun Mar 15, 2020 12:04 am

Someone has stolen city signs of the M1
Police say there’s no leeds
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Sun Mar 15, 2020 12:37 am

Image
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Sun Mar 15, 2020 11:24 am

Image
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Wed Mar 18, 2020 12:52 pm

The lifeguard shouted at me for peeing in the pool.

I was so startled, I almost fell in......
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Wed Mar 18, 2020 12:59 pm

Is it too early ???
https://youtu.be/uPLe9qhpBF8
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Wed Mar 18, 2020 1:10 pm

Simon, Pierre and Padraig were at the bar, talking about their families.

"My son was born on St George's Day," said Simon, "So, obviously, we decided to call him George."

"'Ow fascinating," said Pierre "My boy was born on Valentine's Day, so called him Valentine."

"Jeez, that's pure crazy!" said Padraig, putting down his Guinness, "Exactly the same thing happened with my lad Pancake!!!"
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Thu Mar 19, 2020 4:28 pm

Had my first 'Dilated Pupil assessment' today.
It was a real eye opener :thumbup:
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Thu Mar 19, 2020 11:43 pm

Beauty salons closed
Tanning stations closed
Hairdresser closed
Nail bars closed

It’s about to get ugly out there
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Fri Mar 20, 2020 6:29 pm

Just got back from Iceland, not a toilet roll in the place. :(

Finland are running low as well. :thumbup:
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sun Mar 22, 2020 11:10 am

"I've arranged a lovely Mother's Day treat for you mum," I said. "Chauffeur driven Rolls to Blenheim Palace where you'll get Sunday roast, a helicopter ride over the estate, afternoon tea and then home again in the Rolls."

"Ooh, lovely!!" she beamed.

"But I'm afraid it's off," I continued, "because of the corona virus. So you'll have to make do with the usual bunch of daffs
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