Clean jokes - 2014

The light-hearted side of life
xxxraichxxx
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by xxxraichxxx » Fri Sep 05, 2014 12:10 pm

What did the pirate say when he turned 80?

Aye Matey
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macliam
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Fri Sep 05, 2014 10:32 pm

Alex Salmond says that 10 years after independence most Scots will still be using the Pound. The half dozen still living in Scotland will be using something else.
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Mon Sep 08, 2014 1:27 am

Image
Roy Keane's not sure he'll still have the Ireland job at Christmas.
So he's working on his next "senior" role (if he can find the reindeer)
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xxxraichxxx
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by xxxraichxxx » Sun Sep 14, 2014 12:45 pm

2 olives on a table
One rolls off!
So the other olive shouts down 'are you ok?'
The Olive replies
'Olllivvve'
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xxxraichxxx
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by xxxraichxxx » Sun Sep 14, 2014 1:08 pm

My mate tried selling me 8 legs of venison yesterday

I told him it was 2 deer
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Tue Sep 16, 2014 8:25 pm

ow to fall downstairs.
Step 1
Step 6
Step 8,9,10,11
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Politically incorrect since 69

axelandpixel
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by axelandpixel » Sat Sep 27, 2014 10:32 pm

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: 'Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: 'The driver just insulted me!' The man says: 'You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.



:lol: :lol:
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by Mel » Sun Nov 02, 2014 9:43 pm

A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."

She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so it goes on, everywhere she touches makes her scream.

The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette, are you?"

She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."

"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Mon Nov 03, 2014 10:19 am

As the coffin of a Traffic Warden was being lowered into the ground, there came a shout from within:

"Help! Help! There's been a mistake, I'm not dead - I'm NOT dead"

But the priest replied "I'm sorry, but the paperwork has already been done......."
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Mon Nov 03, 2014 10:22 am

Never buy a stupid dwarf - its not big and its not clever.

Anyway, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren't Happy
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