Clean jokes - 2015

The light-hearted side of life
kevinchess1
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sun Jan 25 2015 9:04am

Jose Mourinho, Manuel Pellegrini, Guy Poyet and Louis Van Gaal have been drinking all night in the pub when Louis gets up and says 'Do you want another Guy?'
'What about us says Jose and Manuel?'
'Your not in this round.'
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Denant
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by Denant » Sun Jan 25 2015 2:59pm

you can tell the sex of an ant by putting them in a jar of water:
if it sinks its a girl ant
if it floats it's boy ant




I'll grab me coat :P
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kevinchess1
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Tue Feb 03 2015 3:09pm

My mate has read “Osteopathy Monthly for over 20 years. He has lots of back issues.
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Mel
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by Mel » Tue Feb 03 2015 6:32pm

If you want to know who loves you more, your wife or your dog, lock them both in the boot of your car for 1 hour and see who is more happy to see you when you open the boot.
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kevinchess1
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Wed Feb 04 2015 3:22pm

Managed to sit down on the Tube today. Toothpaste everywhere
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kevinchess1
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sat Feb 07 2015 12:36pm

Mackem's new pet dog moves unpredictably from side to side :?:
It's a Lurcher. :oops:
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kevinchess1
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sun Feb 08 2015 11:25am

Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will track you down - you have my Word :evil:
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Sun Feb 08 2015 12:16pm

kevinchess1 wrote:Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will track you down - you have my Word :evil:
OLE Kev! you Excel at wordplay like this - the Outlook is bleak for the perpetrator once you have the Power - point him out and it'll be VB for him! :shifty:
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kevinchess1
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Mon Feb 16 2015 10:47am

I made a pirate angry by talking the P out of him :thumbup:
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by Mel » Tue Feb 17 2015 6:02pm

Wife texts husband on a cold winter’s morning:
"Windows frozen, won't open."

Husband texts back:
"Gently pour some lukewarm water over it."

Wife texts back 5 minutes later:
"Computer really *f**ked up now.”
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