Clean jokes - 2015

The light-hearted side of life
adamred6
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by adamred6 » Thu Mar 19 2015 11:23pm

farmer - "my scarecrows are always busy - their feet never touch the ground"
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Tue Mar 31 2015 10:01am

Tried to show Luke how to vote :shock:
Made him a little cross :?
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Fri Apr 03 2015 9:34am

I was brought the worlds worse thesaurus today
Not only is it terrible it also terrible :thumbdown:
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Wed Apr 08 2015 10:58am

Murphy read that the tar and nicotine in cigarettes caused cancer in rats and mice.

So he put all his cigarettes on the top shelf where the rats and mice couldn't get at them. :mrgreen:
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Wed Apr 08 2015 11:14am

Murphy decided he'd swim the channel.

But half way across he decided he couldn't make it

.... so he turned around and swam home! :mrgreen:
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Wed Apr 08 2015 11:18am

"Did you see yer one?" said Mrs. Murphy
............."I was going to give him a nasty look but he already had one!"
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Wed Apr 08 2015 12:53pm

Murphy got caught up in the French revolution and was sentenced to the Guillotine.

When the day came, they led out the first victim - but as they released the blade, it stuck. So, according to tradition, the prisoner was set free.

The second man was taken out and strapped to the machine, but again the blade stuck halfway down and he was released.

Then they took out Murphy and as they laid him down he looked up and said "Ah sha - I think I can see what's making the yoke stick!! " :mrgreen:
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Thu Apr 09 2015 11:48am

Padraig decided to make some money by selling apples.

He went to the wholesaler and filled his lorry with them at 5 euros for fifty and then sold them in town at 10 cents each.
But at the end of the day he was amazed to find that he ended up with the same amount of money as he started with - so he decided to buy a bigger lorry...... :mrgreen:

(and that, m'lud, describes the state of the economy :sick: )
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Thu Apr 09 2015 1:01pm

Old farmer O'Leary came up on the EuroMillions, so he took his wife for a supper at the best restaurant in Cork city.

They both ordered a dinner of soup followed by ribeye steak from the grill - and tucked into the soup with relish.

Then the steaks arrived and farmer O'Leary again tucked in, but his wife just stared at the plate for several minutes.

The waiter noticed and asked "Is there anything wrong with your steak, madam?"

"No, no, it's grand, altogether!" said the old woman "I'm just waitin' on Da to finish with the teeth..." :mrgreen:
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sun Apr 12 2015 10:45am

Apparently, due to a factory error, there's a faulty batch of sun cream in the shops.
That's going to cause a lot of red faces
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