Valentine Jokes

[kevinchess1]

No i'm not posting about Luke's date

Guess I'll start

Roses are red
Violets are glorious
You'd better not surprise
Oscar Pistorious

[kevinchess1]

Table booked at 8pm for me & the missus to celebrate Valentines Day.
I might even buy her a few drinks.
She's useless at snooker tho!

[expressman33]

What's the difference between a £20 steak and a £40 steak?
February 14th

[kevinchess1]

A florist just tried to sell me some odourless flowers for Valentines.
Complete non-scents.

[kevinchess1]

My girlfriend asked for something black and lacy for Valentines Day.

Apparently she didn’t mean football boots.

[kevinchess1]

Mrs "Babe what we doing tonight?"

Me "How about Paris?"

Mrs "OMG!"

Me "Barcelona?"

Mrs "OMG, OMG!"

Me "Perfect @btsport 19:45 it is!"

[kevinchess1]

After getting 15 Valentines cards! i'm completely breathless.

That security guard at Clinton Cards gave quite a chase.

[kevinchess1]

Wife rang "Three girls in my office just received flowers, they're absolutely gorgeous"

I said "Thats probably why they received flowers"

[kevinchess1]

Raich 'Valentines Day! It's just a money grabbing, cynical conspiracy betwenn florists, Thortons, Clinton cards and resturants.
They all jack their prices right up and then try and guilt trip you into 'Proving' your love by guilt tripping you. If you love someone you don't need a 'Special' day to celebrate you show your love EVERY day!!'
(after pause) blythburgh 'So Adam forget then?'
Raich 'YES HE BLOODY DID!'

[Scrabble817]

Roses are red, white, yellow or pink. You can make them turn blue if you stand them in ink.