Clean jokes - post 'em here

The light-hearted side of life
kevinchess1
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Tue Sep 04 2018 7:05pm

I downloaded the music to the film Titanic.

It's synching right now.
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sat Sep 08 2018 11:23am

kevinchess1 wrote:AND my other wife is leaving me because I'm arrogant and smug and so sure of myself
I said "yeh right whatever don't forget to close the door on your way back in".
...And My other wife said she's leaving me because apparently I'm an annoying :?:

... I almost choked on my vuvuzela!!
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Wed Sep 12 2018 10:32pm

Just saw a chap in Homebase shouting abuse at cans of adhesive. Must be awful to be glue tin intolerant
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Fri Sep 14 2018 11:58pm

'look at the state of you.'she rasped /How many pints have you had?"

"How would I know, you're the one doing the blood transfusion!" I replied
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sun Sep 16 2018 12:09am

The hardest day of my life was when I was 6 years old, my father went out to buy a packet of cigarettes and never came back.

I had to go a whole day without a smoke
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sun Sep 16 2018 11:03am

My parents made a lot of sacrifices to pay for my education
They were Satanists
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Mon Sep 17 2018 3:19pm

My obsession with Beatles means I've got every single they made except one.
I need Help.
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Wed Sep 19 2018 3:08pm

I went to the stables with my friend's place in Carnforth to bring in her horses and I decided to do something I haven't done for a few years and It turned out to be a big mistake!
I got on the horse and we started off slowly, grew in confidence, went a little faster, before I knew it, we were going as fast as the horse could go.
I couldn't take the pace and fell off, but my foot caught in the stirrup and I was dragged round and round for age's.
Thankfully the manager at Tesco came out and unplugged the machine.
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Wed Sep 19 2018 10:17pm

'Highways England launches campaign to stop tailgating' I'm right behind this.
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by blythburgh » Thu Sep 20 2018 10:20am

kevinchess1 wrote:'Highways England launches campaign to stop tailgating' I'm right behind this.
Tailgate me and I will be easing my foot on the accelerator and if I know it is you Kev hardly pushing it down at all. ;)
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Keep smiling because the light at the end of someone's tunnel may be you, Ron Cheneler

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