Over 18s jokes - post here

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Re: Over 18s jokes - post here

Post by macliam » Sat Feb 16, 2019 5:26 pm

Jeremy Hardy wrote:An Irish Athlete went to the Doctor
She said "I'm really worried that I'm growing a penis because of the steroids"
and the Doctor said "Anabolic?"
She said "No, just a penis..."


True story
A tribute.
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Re: Over 18s jokes - post here

Post by kevinchess1 » Wed Apr 03, 2019 10:53 pm

Imagine being gay in Brunei.

Talk about being caught between a rock and a hard place...
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Re: Over 18s jokes - post here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sat Apr 20, 2019 11:57 pm

Adele has dropped a new single
Her husband
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Re: Over 18s jokes - post here

Post by kevinchess1 » Wed Apr 24, 2019 9:49 pm

Luke walked into the newspaper office with a personal add 'Man seek woman for dating.'
Assistant asks him 'Would you like to insert it today?'
'Yes but you can't put that in the advert!' :?
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Re: Over 18s jokes - post here

Post by macliam » Fri Jun 07, 2019 9:04 pm

Mrs. Jones was in bed with her lover when she heard the front door opening.

"Quick," she said to him, "It's my husband! Go and stand in the corner."

Then she rubbed baby oil all over him and dusted him down with talcum powder.

"Don't move until I tell you," she said. ".....Pretend you're a statue!"

"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh, it's a statue." she replied. "Mrs. Smith had one and I liked it, so I got one for us."

"Oh, OK" said Mr. Jones and no more was said.

They went to bed, but Mr. Jones woke up at 2 AM and went down to the kitchen, returning with a beer and a sandwich.

"Here," he said to the 'statue', "have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a bloody thing!!!"
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

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Re: Over 18s jokes - post here

Post by macliam » Sun Jun 09, 2019 11:23 pm

Facts:
It takes 7 seconds for food to pass from your mouth to your stomach.
A human hair can hold a 3kg weight.
The penis is 3 times the length of the thumb.
The femur is as hard as concrete.
A woman's heart beats faster then a man's heart.
Women blink twice as much as men.
We use 300 muscles just to keep our balance when we stand.
The woman has read this entire text.
The man is still looking at his thumb........
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Re: Over 18s jokes - post here

Post by macliam » Mon Jun 10, 2019 12:06 am

Seamus walked into Padraig's barn and finds him dancing naked in front of his Massey-Ferguson.

"Holy mother of God!", says Seamus, "What the hell are ye doing?!!"

Padraig says "Well now, Seamus, things have been a bit slow with Siobhan in the bedroom department lately - so I called a counsellor and he said I should do something sexy to a tractor!!"
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Re: Over 18s jokes - post here

Post by expressman33 » Tue Jun 18, 2019 11:37 am

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Re: Over 18s jokes - post here

Post by expressman33 » Tue Jun 18, 2019 11:39 am

Image
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Re: Over 18s jokes - post here

Post by expressman33 » Mon Jun 24, 2019 12:28 pm

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