Clean jokes - post 'em here

The light-hearted side of life
macliam
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Fri Jun 07 2019 9:25pm

A dog walks into a post office and says "I want to send a telegram, please."
Somewhat surprised, the assistant says "Certainly, sir. Start now.'
So the dog says "Woof, woof woof. Woof woof, woof......Woof woof woof.'
The assistant says "That's just nine words, you can send ten words for the same price...why don't you put another woof on the end?"
The dog just stares at the assistant and says "That wouldn't make sense, at all!"
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sun Jun 09 2019 10:24pm

Which Spice Girl can hold the most petrol??
Geri can.
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Sun Jun 09 2019 10:36pm

I asked Siobhan why she had a three-legged pig in her farmyard.
"Ahh, that pig..." she cooed, "d'ye know he saved young Mikey when he fell in the cesspit? Sure enough, just upped and jumped in after him and brought him to the side!!"

"That's amazing!,I said, "but...."
"Then, just last week, Padraig got his foot caught in the baler ..... and didn't yer pig shut off the motor before any damage was done!!"

"Wow," I said, "That's some story, but..."
"Then, Tuesday night the barn caught fire - and yer pig rushed about squealing and snorting until he had us all awake - and we managed to put it out"

"Incredible!", I said, "but how did he lose his leg?"
"Well now", said Siobhan, "With a pig that special, you can't eat him all at once!!"
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Sun Jun 09 2019 10:56pm

There was a girl from Great Yarmouth on the Anglia News. She has eight sons, all called Charlie.

"Doesn't that get confusing?" asked the interviewer

"Nah, it's easier - when I want them in, I just shout 'Charlie, get in 'ere now!' and they all come in"

"But what if you just want to talk to one of them?" asked the interviewer

"Oh, then I just use their surnames!!"
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by expressman33 » Mon Jun 10 2019 11:04pm

Image

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Wed Jun 26 2019 9:59pm

Anyone read the news today? They're saying people are worrying about the affects of genetically modified crops.

"There is no proof of any adverse effects,' said one carrot.
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Fri Jun 28 2019 10:46pm

If I had a pound for every time I didn’t know what was going on I’d say ‘Where are all these pounds coming from?’
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by expressman33 » Sun Jun 30 2019 11:04pm

I was going to use Beefstew as my password until Raich said its not Stroganoff

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Mon Jul 01 2019 9:55pm

Its my ambition is to lose 15Ibs this year. :thumbup:
Only 25 to go :(
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by expressman33 » Sat Jul 06 2019 1:42pm

My wife asked me to pass her the lipstick. I accidentally passed the glue stick, she still isn't talking to me!
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