Clean jokes - post 'em here

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Mon Sep 02, 2019 5:16 pm

I wish tree puns were more Poplar
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by expressman33 » Fri Sep 06, 2019 3:31 pm

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by expressman33 » Tue Sep 10, 2019 6:20 pm

A man wearing a tie fastener walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t like your tie pin here”.

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by expressman33 » Tue Sep 10, 2019 7:22 pm

I lost my job as a stage designer,I left without making a scene.

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by expressman33 » Tue Sep 10, 2019 10:33 pm

I used to have an origami business , but it folded!
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by expressman33 » Fri Sep 13, 2019 4:07 pm

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by rayf » Fri Sep 13, 2019 4:16 pm

expressman33 wrote:
Fri Sep 13, 2019 4:07 pm
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and a fire extinguisher too ? :?:

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sat Sep 14, 2019 10:37 pm

I always try to go the extra mile.
Which is why I got fired from my job as a taxi driver.
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by expressman33 » Mon Sep 16, 2019 9:27 am

Michael O’Leary, Chief Executive of Ryanair after arriving in a hotel in Manchester went to the bar and asked for a pint of Guinness.
The barman said, "That will be £1 please, Mr. O’Leary."
Taken aback, O'Leary replied, "That's very cheap," and handed over his money.
"We do try to stay ahead of the competition", said the barman. "We have the cheapest beer in England".
"That is remarkable value", Michael comments.
"I see you don't have a glass, you'll need one of ours. That will be £3 please."
O'Leary scowled, but paid up. He took his drink and walked towards a seat.
"Ah, you want to sit down?" said the barman. "That'll be an extra £2. If you'd pre-booked it would have cost £1."
O'Leary swore to himself, but paid up.
"I see you've brought your laptop" added the barman. "That wasn't pre-booked either, that's another £3."
O'Leary was so incensed and his face was red with rage.
"I've had enough! I insist on speaking to a manager!"
"Here is his e-mail address, or if you wish, you can contact him between 9.00 am and 9.01am every morning, Monday to Tuesday. Calls are free, unless answered, then there is a charge of only £1 per second".
"I will never use this bar again".
"OK but do remember, we are the only hotel in England selling pints for £1."

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by blythburgh » Mon Sep 16, 2019 10:20 am

expressman33 wrote:
Fri Sep 13, 2019 4:07 pm
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If there is anywhere likely to bring on a heart attack it must be a crem so a great idea.
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