Clean jokes - post 'em here

The light-hearted side of life
kevinchess1
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Mon Nov 04 2019 10:53pm

The chairman of the Dyslexia charity has been given an OBE.
He said ‘What’s the point I can’t play it!’
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kevinchess1
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Tue Nov 05 2019 11:13pm

IDSIS has just found out I’ve spent all of our money on pyrotechnics

There’s going to be fireworks
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Wed Nov 06 2019 2:17pm

"Why do you want 2000 cockroaches?" as the Pet Shop owner

"Well, my lease is up today - and it says I must leave the place as I found it!"
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Wed Nov 06 2019 2:22pm

There was a huge traffic jam in Westminster and someone comes up to the car and taps on the driver's window.

"What's going on?" asked the driver

"Well, it seems Boris has been kidnapped by terrorists and they say that unless we pay a ransom, they'll douse him in petrol and set fire to him! So, we're going car to car and asking for donations...."

"How much are people giving?" asked the driver

"About a gallon!"
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

macliam
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Wed Nov 06 2019 2:26pm

"Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees and 4 minutes North and 45 degrees and 15 minutes East", said the teacher

"I guess you'd be eating alone!" came a voice from the back of the class
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expressman33
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by expressman33 » Wed Nov 06 2019 3:31pm

A man asked his wife "What would you do if we won the lottery?" , She replied " I'd take half and leave you " . "Great" he said , "Here's £12.50 , stay in touch ... "
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Fri Nov 08 2019 11:11pm

BBC news are saying that the latest floods are Biblical :shock:
Ark at em :thumbup:
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macliam
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Sat Nov 09 2019 1:03am

kevinchess1 wrote:
Fri Nov 08 2019 11:11pm
BBC news are saying that the latest floods are Biblical :shock:
Ark at em :thumbup:
Noah'd I mean?!!
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

macliam
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Sat Nov 09 2019 2:39am

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.
- One of them goes to a family in Egypt and his new family call him Amal.
- The other goes to a family in Spain, who name him, Juan.

Several years later, Juan makes contact and sends a picture of himself.

"I hope his brother gets in touch, too" She says, "I'd like to see how he looks now.

"They're twins!"," says her husband "If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal!!"
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Sat Nov 09 2019 2:45am

"Do you know your numbers, Sean?" says teacher
"I do, Miss" says Sean, "My Daddy taught me"
"So, what comes after Three", she asks.
"Four!", says Sean
"Good", she says, "and what comes after Seven?"
"Eight!", says Sean
"Very good - now what comes after Ten?"
"The Jack!", says Sean.......
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Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

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