Clean jokes - post 'em here

The light-hearted side of life
kevinchess1
Posts: 23770
Joined: Mon Jun 28 2010 11:02pm
Location: Miles away from the sea
Has thanked: 12599 times
Been thanked: 17167 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Wed Nov 13 2019 10:26pm

I couldn't believe it when we were at a Halloween party this year, and this girl came up and loudly accused me of "Cultural Appropriation" just because of the Sioux-Indian costume I was wearing.

Boy was my face red.
Politically incorrect since 69

macliam
Posts: 11226
Joined: Thu Jul 18 2013 12:26pm
Location: By the Deben, Suffolk
Has thanked: 1630 times
Been thanked: 9281 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Thu Nov 14 2019 1:41am

Diarmuid needed to raise some cash, so he decided to sell his pet snake. He rang the pet shop.
"It's a python and it's very long...", he said.
"How many feet?", asked the pet shop owner
"None, ye eejit - it's a snake!", said Diarmuid
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

macliam
Posts: 11226
Joined: Thu Jul 18 2013 12:26pm
Location: By the Deben, Suffolk
Has thanked: 1630 times
Been thanked: 9281 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Thu Nov 14 2019 1:46am

Young Sean said to his Granny "have you seen my tablets? They were labelled LSD"

Granny replied "Sod the pills - have you seen the purple dragons in the kitchen?!!"
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

macliam
Posts: 11226
Joined: Thu Jul 18 2013 12:26pm
Location: By the Deben, Suffolk
Has thanked: 1630 times
Been thanked: 9281 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Thu Nov 14 2019 1:54am

Seamus and Diarmuid were looking at the pretty girls in the catalogue.
"Jeez", said Seamus, "She's beautiful - I'm going to order her!!"

A week later, Diarmuid met up with Seamus.
"So, did your girlie arrive?", asked Diarmuid
"No," replied Seamus, "but her clothes arrived yesterday, so she'll be here soon!"
Thanked by: stockportcounty
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

kevinchess1
Posts: 23770
Joined: Mon Jun 28 2010 11:02pm
Location: Miles away from the sea
Has thanked: 12599 times
Been thanked: 17167 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Fri Nov 15 2019 10:51pm

Pudsey day today so I've decided to donate something that todays poor children really need :thumbup:
Manners and common sense :?
Politically incorrect since 69

kevinchess1
Posts: 23770
Joined: Mon Jun 28 2010 11:02pm
Location: Miles away from the sea
Has thanked: 12599 times
Been thanked: 17167 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sat Nov 16 2019 3:54pm

‘Are you drunk?’ She asked
‘I’m am absolutely steaming!’ I replied
And that was the end of the job interview
Politically incorrect since 69

expressman33
Posts: 12468
Joined: Tue Jun 29 2010 10:36pm
Location: stockport
Has thanked: 3006 times
Been thanked: 10641 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by expressman33 » Sun Nov 17 2019 12:44pm

I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage.

The zoo keeper told me it was bread in captivity

kevinchess1
Posts: 23770
Joined: Mon Jun 28 2010 11:02pm
Location: Miles away from the sea
Has thanked: 12599 times
Been thanked: 17167 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sun Nov 17 2019 12:45pm

Chalie Sheen is American
Micheal Sheen is British
Mr Sheen is Polish
Politically incorrect since 69

expressman33
Posts: 12468
Joined: Tue Jun 29 2010 10:36pm
Location: stockport
Has thanked: 3006 times
Been thanked: 10641 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by expressman33 » Mon Nov 18 2019 11:54am

A guy at work claims he didn't steal the battery out of my calculator, but something just doesn't add up
Thanked by: stockportcounty

expressman33
Posts: 12468
Joined: Tue Jun 29 2010 10:36pm
Location: stockport
Has thanked: 3006 times
Been thanked: 10641 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by expressman33 » Mon Nov 18 2019 12:11pm

I was in my garden and saw 10 ants running frantically...
So I made them a little house out of cardboard.
So I guess that makes me their landlord and they are my tenants.
Thanked by: stockportcounty

Locked

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 8 guests