Clean jokes - post 'em here

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macliam
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Thu Jan 23 2020 12:48pm

Murphy takes his dog to the vet.
"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"

"Well", Says the vet "Let's take a look at him."
and he picks the dog up and looks into his eyes, then checks his ears, then checks his teeth
then finally, he says. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to put him down."

"What?", said Murphy "Just because he's cross-eyed?!!"

"No," said the vet, "Because he's really heavy!!"
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Thu Jan 23 2020 2:05pm

Did he do a Lab report?
Politically incorrect since 69

macliam
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Thu Jan 23 2020 2:07pm

kevinchess1 wrote:
Thu Jan 23 2020 2:05pm
Did he do a Lab report?
Yep, and a cat scan.....
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Thu Jan 23 2020 6:49pm

I was going to have a brain transplant - but then I changed my mind....
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Thu Jan 23 2020 6:52pm

The counsellor said I was preoccupied by vengeance.... well, we'll see about that :shifty:
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Thu Jan 23 2020 6:54pm

Murphy was feeling really proud of himself.

The jigsaw puzzle said "3-5 years", but he finished it in less than a month!
Last edited by macliam on Thu Jan 23 2020 7:06pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Thu Jan 23 2020 6:57pm

My girlfriend left me because she couldn't handle my OCD.

I told her to close the door five times on her way out.
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Thu Jan 23 2020 7:01pm

I hate spelling errors. You mix up two letters and your whole one liner is urined.
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Thu Jan 23 2020 7:07pm

Padraig has the heart of a lion.

He's been banned from Dublin Zoo...
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Fri Jan 24 2020 7:15pm

Padraig lost his job at the bank on the very first day.

A woman asked him to check her balance, so he pushed her over.
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

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