Clean jokes - post 'em here

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by xxxraichxxx » Wed Aug 12, 2020 11:01 am

Have you heard the joke about Elton John?
Its a little bit funny.
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by xxxraichxxx » Thu Aug 13, 2020 8:33 pm

Have you heard about the marxist called Rudolph who can forecast the weather?
Well Rudolph the Red knows rain dear.
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Fri Aug 14, 2020 4:03 pm

Image
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Fri Aug 14, 2020 4:04 pm

Image
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Fri Aug 14, 2020 4:09 pm

The little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and slowly pulled himself up onto a stool, with a look of pain on his face.

After a few moments, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress smiled and asked "Crushed nuts?"

"No," he said, ".....................Arthritis"
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Fri Aug 14, 2020 4:26 pm

Expresso 'I'm not buying the 'Big Issue' because of my fears about COVID19! :thumbup:

Normally, I don't buy it because I'm mean.' :?
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by xxxraichxxx » Fri Aug 14, 2020 8:43 pm

I went to buy a chimney today, I asked the guy behind the counter how much they cost.

He said nothing they're on the house
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by xxxraichxxx » Fri Aug 14, 2020 8:43 pm

I think my husband is going to leave me because I've swapped the labels on his spices

He hasn't found out yet but the Thyme is Cumin

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Fri Aug 14, 2020 10:03 pm

Mick was sitting in Murphy's Bar when a group of loudmouthed Americans came in.

One of them said "You Irish think you can drink! I'll bet $5000 that nobody can drink 10 pints of Guinness in 30 minutes!"

Nobody said anything, but Mick slipped quietly out the back,

A while later he came back and said to yer man "You're on!" and the drinking began.

Mick finished off the tenth pint with just a few seconds to spare...

The Yank said "Well, Bud, that's some serious drinking..... but tell me, why did you make yourself scarce when I first said about the bet?"

"Well," said Mick, "$5000 is a lot to a man like me, so I popped over to Delahunty's bar to make sure I could do it!!"
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sat Aug 15, 2020 10:10 am

"I’ve just received the Russian Covid vaccine and so far i have no side efectoski secundarioski Президент Российской Федерации; Президент россии"
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