Clean jokes - post 'em here

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macliam
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Sat Aug 15, 2020 6:21 pm

kevinchess1 wrote:
Sat Aug 15, 2020 10:10 am
"I’ve just received the Russian Covid vaccine and so far i have no side efectoski secundarioski Президент Российской Федерации; Президент россии"
Не волнуйся, дружище, это эффективно только для чеченских трансвеститов! Здоровье!

You could try the Chinese one..... but you have to supply your own bat.
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macliam
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Sat Aug 15, 2020 6:32 pm

Two Siamese twins walk into a bar.

One of them says to the Landlord "Don’t mind us - we’re joined at the hip. I’m John, he’s Jim. Two pints of best, please"

The landlord, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beer
"Been on holiday yet, lads?"

"No, we're off to France next month" says John, "We go every year, rent a car and drive for miles and miles. Don’t we, Jim?"

Jim nods.

"Ah, France!" says the landlord "Wonderful country … the history, the culture, the wine.."

“Nah, we don’t like that French crap," says John, "Football and bitter for us - we can’t stand the French, they’re so arrogant and rude."

"So why keep going back then?" asks the Landlord.

"It’s the only chance Jim gets to drive" :D
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macliam
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Sun Aug 16, 2020 7:56 am

Clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop

Bang! Bang! Bang!

Clip-clop-clip-clop-clip-clop-clip-clop

............................Amish Drive-By
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gle1975
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by gle1975 » Mon Aug 17, 2020 9:30 am

The Irish health service were advised to vaccinate the population. So they bought a load of Vax carpet shampoo and washed everyone.

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by AAAlphaThunder » Mon Aug 17, 2020 7:26 pm

Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?

He just needed a little space.
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macliam
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Tue Aug 18, 2020 12:16 pm

gle1975 wrote:
Mon Aug 17, 2020 9:30 am
The Irish health service were advised to vaccinate the population. So they bought a load of Vax carpet shampoo and washed everyone.
Is that like Matt Hancock's explanation of a coronavirus vaccine?

......Apparently you just plug it in and it sucks up all the virus
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macliam
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Tue Aug 18, 2020 12:32 pm

Lady Annabelle was making arrangements for her funeral.

The undertaker wrote it all down, but asked "Why do you want your ashes scattered in Harrods?"

"So I can be sure my daughters visit me every week", she replied.
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

macliam
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Tue Aug 18, 2020 12:50 pm

"Do you pray before eating?" asked the Vicar

"I don't have to", said the boy "my mum can cook!"
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Tue Aug 18, 2020 3:44 pm

post.jpg
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Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by AAAlphaThunder » Tue Aug 18, 2020 6:58 pm

I was reading a book on helium. I couldn’t put it down.
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