Clean jokes - post 'em here

The light-hearted side of life
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Fri Oct 30, 2020 12:35 pm

I get really annoyed when people use incorrect punctuation? :?
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sun Nov 01, 2020 2:39 pm

You won't see me panic buying toilet rolls like a idiot.

I've still got hundreds from last time
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by sanity clause » Sun Nov 01, 2020 4:55 pm

Groundhog Day is currently showing on Dave ja vu.

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by sanity clause » Mon Nov 02, 2020 8:29 am

Groundhog Day is currently showing on Dave ja vu.
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by blythburgh » Wed Nov 04, 2020 7:46 am

Got this sent to my FB account oringinally from: Ray Hagins 9 October 2015


Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.
After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.
As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His brother said, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there Hind Lick Maneuver but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!"
Keep smiling because the light at the end of someone's tunnel may be you, Ron Cheneler

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by blythburgh » Wed Nov 04, 2020 2:55 pm

Flotus is on her knees praying, "Dear Lord please take this burden off my shoulders. I did my bit and voted for Biden so please let me be victorious"
Keep smiling because the light at the end of someone's tunnel may be you, Ron Cheneler

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Wed Nov 04, 2020 3:05 pm

(At the barbers)
Luke 'What sort of cut will make me more attractive to women :?: '
Barber 'A power cut :!: ' :?
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by pakefield » Thu Nov 05, 2020 11:48 am

blythburgh wrote:
Wed Nov 04, 2020 2:55 pm
Flotus is on her knees praying, "Dear Lord please take this burden off my shoulders. I did my bit and voted for Biden so please let me be victorious"
If like me you did not know: FLOTUS is what the Americans call First Lady of The United States. I saw her on tv with it on a baseball cap. For once the wife knew more than me

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Thu Nov 05, 2020 2:40 pm

(At the gym)
Luke 'What machine should i go on to make me more attractive to women :?: '
Trainer 'The cash machine :!: ' :?
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Fri Nov 06, 2020 8:12 am

Traders are doing anything to stay open as 'essential' businesses.

First time I've been to Ann Summers for bread and milk.
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