Clean jokes - post 'em here

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blythburgh
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by blythburgh » Sun Aug 22 2021 7:57am

macliam wrote:
Fri Aug 20 2021 3:52pm

Kev tried to come up with a new name for vanishing cream...

What a DissapOintment........
We once were going to Cambridge so took our friends, Dave and Sheena, with us so she could meet up with her family. The road took us through the town of Diss and Dave, encouraged by 'im indoors, came up with so many Diss jokes.

When I was a market research interviewer I even did a job in the town once and found a house with the name "Disalldo". So bad it has stayed in my memory but important stuff gets forgotten lol
Keep smiling because the light at the end of someone's tunnel may be you, Ron Cheneler

blythburgh
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by blythburgh » Tue Aug 24 2021 11:45am

In memory of Kev I am posting a couple of jokes from my FB group:

What plane does the Mexican President fly in?
AirForce Juan

I had a girlfriend who was into Picasso and Mexican food
She was really artsy-fartsy.
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Keep smiling because the light at the end of someone's tunnel may be you, Ron Cheneler

Sarah
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by Sarah » Wed Aug 25 2021 6:50am

Image
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macliam
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Wed Aug 25 2021 1:45pm

One for kev,

A guy arrives in heaven and is shocked to see clocks stretching for as far as the eye can see.

He calls over St.Peter and asks why all these clocks are there.

"Oh", says St.Peter, "each of these is connected to a person on earth, alive or dead. Each time they lie, the pointer moves on to show how long they must stay in Purgatory, before entering heaven"

"This one was for Gautama Buddha, it still says 00:00"

"This one was for Mother Theresa, it has hardly moved..."

"So where is Boris Johnson's?" asked the man

St. Peter smiled "I have it in the office. I use it as a fan!"
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

macliam
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Wed Aug 25 2021 2:20pm

You could tell kev was a chef...... when BeMore Dog ran into the kitchen, kev shouted "choux"!!

I asked him once if he ever served steak almost raw. He said he did, but it was rare :D
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by expressman33 » Thu Aug 26 2021 2:58pm

A group of chess players checked into a hotel and stood in the lobby as they talked about their tournament victories. Suddenly the manager came out and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked. "Because I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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macliam
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Thu Aug 26 2021 5:00pm

What did the octogenarian pirate say?

"Aye, Matey" :D
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Thu Aug 26 2021 5:02pm

What's a pirate's favourite letter?

You might think it would be "R"..... but they love the "C" ;)
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by Chadwick » Thu Aug 26 2021 6:10pm

macliam wrote:
Wed Aug 25 2021 2:20pm
I asked him once if he ever served steak almost raw. He said he did, but it was rare :D
You don't hear many jokes about steak.
It's a rare medium well done.
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by expressman33 » Wed Sep 01 2021 1:26pm

A man who took an airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.

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