Clean jokes - post 'em here

The light-hearted side of life
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Wed Sep 01 2021 4:47pm

A bear walks into a pub and says to the landlord "Give me a vodka and...................................coke"

"Why the big pause?" asked the landlord

"Don't ask me" says the bear, "I was born with them..."
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gle1975
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by gle1975 » Thu Sep 02 2021 9:36am

RIP Kev. Thank you for all the jokes and cheering me up.

Here is one as a tribute.

I wake my children up for school by pouring honey on them - it is the only way I can Rowse them.
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macliam
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Tue Sep 07 2021 12:50am

Image
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macliam
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Tue Sep 07 2021 8:44am

I was given a new pair of gloves, but they’re both "lefts".

On the one hand they're great, but on the other, they're just not right.
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Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

macliam
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Tue Sep 07 2021 9:07am

I told my GP that I thought I was shrinking.

He told me I'd have to learn to be a little patient.
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macliam
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Tue Sep 07 2021 9:22am

I tried to start a professional hide and seek team, but it didn't work out.

It seems that good players are hard to find.......
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by gle1975 » Tue Sep 14 2021 12:57pm

I'm doing my best to combat climate change. I've put some black paper over half the end of my torch to save on batteries.
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Tue Sep 14 2021 3:35pm

The boss of IKEA was elected Prime Minister of Sweden.

He said he'll have no problems putting together a cabinet!
Last edited by macliam on Tue Sep 14 2021 10:52pm, edited 1 time in total.
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

macliam
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Tue Sep 14 2021 3:37pm

I met a pig with an unfortunate name..... Chris P. Bacon :P
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Tue Sep 14 2021 3:39pm

In an argument with the boss, he asked whether I thought he was stupid or I was......

I told him that everyone knew he doesn't hire stupid people!!
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

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