Clean jokes - post 'em here

The light-hearted side of life
macliam
Posts: 9450
Joined: Thu Jul 18 2013 12:26pm
Location: By the Deben, Suffolk
Has thanked: 1465 times
Been thanked: 7742 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Wed Sep 01 2021 4:47pm

A bear walks into a pub and says to the landlord "Give me a vodka and...................................coke"

"Why the big pause?" asked the landlord

"Don't ask me" says the bear, "I was born with them..."
Thanked by: gle1975, blythburgh
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

gle1975
Posts: 167
Joined: Mon Aug 23 2010 11:43am
Has thanked: 126 times
Been thanked: 155 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by gle1975 » Thu Sep 02 2021 9:36am

RIP Kev. Thank you for all the jokes and cheering me up.

Here is one as a tribute.

I wake my children up for school by pouring honey on them - it is the only way I can Rowse them.
Thanked by: blythburgh

macliam
Posts: 9450
Joined: Thu Jul 18 2013 12:26pm
Location: By the Deben, Suffolk
Has thanked: 1465 times
Been thanked: 7742 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Tue Sep 07 2021 12:50am

Image
Thanked by: blythburgh, gle1975
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

macliam
Posts: 9450
Joined: Thu Jul 18 2013 12:26pm
Location: By the Deben, Suffolk
Has thanked: 1465 times
Been thanked: 7742 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Tue Sep 07 2021 8:44am

I was given a new pair of gloves, but they’re both "lefts".

On the one hand they're great, but on the other, they're just not right.
Thanked by: Sarah, blythburgh, Chadwick, gle1975
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

macliam
Posts: 9450
Joined: Thu Jul 18 2013 12:26pm
Location: By the Deben, Suffolk
Has thanked: 1465 times
Been thanked: 7742 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Tue Sep 07 2021 9:07am

I told my GP that I thought I was shrinking.

He told me I'd have to learn to be a little patient.
Thanked by: blythburgh, gle1975
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

macliam
Posts: 9450
Joined: Thu Jul 18 2013 12:26pm
Location: By the Deben, Suffolk
Has thanked: 1465 times
Been thanked: 7742 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Tue Sep 07 2021 9:22am

I tried to start a professional hide and seek team, but it didn't work out.

It seems that good players are hard to find.......
Thanked by: blythburgh, Chadwick, gle1975
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

gle1975
Posts: 167
Joined: Mon Aug 23 2010 11:43am
Has thanked: 126 times
Been thanked: 155 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by gle1975 » Tue Sep 14 2021 12:57pm

I'm doing my best to combat climate change. I've put some black paper over half the end of my torch to save on batteries.
Thanked by: macliam

macliam
Posts: 9450
Joined: Thu Jul 18 2013 12:26pm
Location: By the Deben, Suffolk
Has thanked: 1465 times
Been thanked: 7742 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Tue Sep 14 2021 3:35pm

The boss of IKEA was elected Prime Minister of Sweden.

He said he'll have no problems putting together a cabinet!
Last edited by macliam on Tue Sep 14 2021 10:52pm, edited 1 time in total.
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

macliam
Posts: 9450
Joined: Thu Jul 18 2013 12:26pm
Location: By the Deben, Suffolk
Has thanked: 1465 times
Been thanked: 7742 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Tue Sep 14 2021 3:37pm

I met a pig with an unfortunate name..... Chris P. Bacon :P
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

macliam
Posts: 9450
Joined: Thu Jul 18 2013 12:26pm
Location: By the Deben, Suffolk
Has thanked: 1465 times
Been thanked: 7742 times
Contact:

Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Tue Sep 14 2021 3:39pm

In an argument with the boss, he asked whether I thought he was stupid or I was......

I told him that everyone knew he doesn't hire stupid people!!
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests