Clean jokes - post 'em here

The light-hearted side of life
expressman33
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by expressman33 » Mon Nov 01 2021 3:35pm

After 100 years lying on the sea bed , Irish divers were amazed to find that the Titanic's swimming pool was still full .

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Mon Nov 01 2021 3:56pm

They say an Englishman laughs three times at a joke.

The first time is when everybody else gets it.

The second time is a week later, when he thinks he gets it.

And the third time is a month later, when somebody explains it to him....... :mrgreen:
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Mon Nov 01 2021 4:39pm

Pat asks his pub landlord "Why it is that toilet cubicle doors in England open inwards, despite it being so awkward?"

The landlord replies "It's so, if the lock is broken, you can hold the door shut when you're inside"

"Oh", says Pat, looking a bit confused, "In Ireland, we just get someone to fix the lock!"
Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Tue Nov 02 2021 10:10am

Image
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by macliam » Tue Nov 02 2021 10:11am

Image
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Just because I'm paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get me

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by expressman33 » Tue Nov 02 2021 10:52pm

I had an accident the other day and squirted tomato sauce in my eye. Now I have Heinz sight

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by expressman33 » Sun Nov 07 2021 6:09pm

My memory is so terrible I had to change my password to "incorrect" . Now I get a reminder "Your password is incorrect" every time I enter it wrong !
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by gle1975 » Mon Nov 08 2021 10:29am

My wife loves Apple products, so I have bought her an iRon for Christmas.
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by blythburgh » Mon Nov 08 2021 10:34am

gle1975 wrote:
Mon Nov 08 2021 10:29am
My wife loves Apple products, so I have bought her an iRon for Christmas.
And she who has been brainwashed to day i pod, i phone read i ron then the penny dropped and I laughed
Keep smiling because the light at the end of someone's tunnel may be you, Ron Cheneler

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by poland71 » Tue Nov 09 2021 4:08pm

I was trying to get an appointment at a local chiropodist in the working class area of town, but all appointments were booked-up for months in advance.

Whilst chatting to a neighbour on the bus and explaining my situation I said in desperation "I was having to go to the very swish chiropodist in the pukka part of the next town".

"OOooh, you don't want to do that" she said, "it'll cost you and arm and a leg!"

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