Clean jokes - 2012

The light-hearted side of life
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by HeadHunter » Thu Feb 16 2012 9:22am

A man came to my house with a survey and asked me what I knew about dwarfs.
I said "Very little."
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by Alec3720 » Thu Feb 16 2012 11:23pm

just seen 4 men carrying a coffin around and around the cemetery, after about 10 mins i thought to myself they've lost the plot
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by HeadHunter » Wed Feb 29 2012 9:24am

Just seen some statistics on the most common way people walk when drunk.
It's staggering.
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Tue Mar 13 2012 11:47am

Saw Mel walkin alon the road with a lead attached to a cabbage :shock:
So I says
'What the crac then Mel' :?:
He replys 'I'm is takin me dog is four a walk init'
'But thats a cabbage'
'Luke told me it was a Cauli.' :lol:
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Tue Mar 13 2012 4:59pm

Just perfected the best '5-a-day' diet
4 pints of apple cider and a leek :thumbup:
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sun Mar 25 2012 11:36am

The boss called mel into his office. "There's been a complaint made about you. This is serious Mel, so I don't want to hear any of your 'clever' smartarse remarks, understand?"
"Of course.. What am I supposed to have done?" he asked.
"Young Rachel has complained that you're rude to her, and just give her boring menial tasks to do because she's the only female on the team. What have you got to say?"
"So.... Let me get this straight.."
"Mel.." he warned.
"...... I'm being accused of Rachel discrimination then
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Tue Apr 17 2012 3:43pm

Walked into a Jewelers with Mel;
'Look' I says 'an diamond'
Mel curses under his breath and says
'It's not an diamond it's A diamond
I says, 'either way she does a lot of work for that baby charity'
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sat Apr 21 2012 8:20pm

Instead of the family sittin around rowin, i insisted we sat at the table for a game of Buckaroo.
It only took 2 minutes before it all kicked off :(
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Mon Apr 23 2012 8:12am

I was SITTING IN HIS ARMCHAIR and I SHOUTed TO my WIFE,

"WHEN I DIE I'M GOING TO LEAVE EVERYTHING TO YOU, LOVE!"



SHE SHOUTS BACK "YOU ALREADY DO, YOU LAZY S*D! "
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by HeadHunter » Mon Apr 23 2012 9:45am

"Feng Shui" - Chinese for putting your husband's crap out into the garage.
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