Clean jokes - 2012

The light-hearted side of life
Fuggsy
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by Fuggsy » Fri Jul 13 2012 11:42am

How do you kill a circus?

Go for the juggler...

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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Tue Jul 17 2012 3:05pm

FACT:
You are 23 times more likely to crash if driving while trying to post a mes
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sun Jul 29 2012 11:48am

I heard FIFA 13 is so realistic that if you win a trophy with Sunderland, the screen goes black and white :?
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Fri Aug 03 2012 12:57pm

I had a pelican jalfrezi last night - wasn't much different from a chicken jalfrezi, but the bill was massive." :lol:
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xxxraichxxx
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by xxxraichxxx » Tue Aug 21 2012 8:56am

A dog called Minton ate a shuttlecock.
Badminton.
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zulu17
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by zulu17 » Tue Aug 21 2012 10:09am

The top one-liners from the Edinburgh Fringe include:


1. Stewart Francis - "You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh and Becks."
2. Tim Vine - "Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the telly. "
3. Will Marsh - "I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister."
4. Rob Beckett - "You know you're working class when your TV is bigger than your book case."
5. Chris Turner - "I'm good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet… I don't know Y."
6. Tim Vine - "I took part in the sun tanning Olympics - I just got Bronze."
7. George Ryegold - "Pornography is often frowned upon, but that's only because I'm concentrating."
8. Stewart Francis - "I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!"
9. Lou Sanders - "I waited an hour for my starter so I complained: 'It's not rocket salad."
10. Nish Kumar - "My mum's so pessimistic, that if there was an Olympics for pessimism… she wouldn't fancy her chances."
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Tue Aug 21 2012 11:44am

"Lisa from down the street just showed me a picture of her new baby on her phone," I said to my wife.

"That's great," she beamed, "so what did she have?"

"One of those Blackberry curves I think
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by xxxraichxxx » Thu Aug 23 2012 11:20pm

Doctor Doctor, how do I stop my nose from running?!
Stick your foot out and trip it up!
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Mon Sep 17 2012 11:30am

More Notes To The Rural Milkman

"My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle."

"Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me."

"Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it."

"From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want any milk."

"My back door is open. Please put milk in 'fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table , because we want to play bingo tonight."

"Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday...or is it today ?"

"When you come with the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. PS. Don't leave any milk."

"No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice."
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by zulu17 » Tue Sep 18 2012 3:27pm

I said "I love you, I can't live without you".

My wife said "Is that you or the wine talking?"


I said
"It's me, talking to the wine"
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