Clean jokes - 2012

The light-hearted side of life
zulu17
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by zulu17 » Sat Sep 22 2012 12:53pm

A Cumbrian farmer's dog goes missing and he is inconsolable.
His wife says to him, "why don't you put an ad in the paper to get him back".
The farmer does this, but after two weeks, no phone calls, the dog is still missing.
"What did you write in the paper?" asked his wife.

"Here boy," said the farmer.
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Sat Sep 22 2012 10:45pm

An amateur group of Islamic film makers have posted a video on YouTube which mocks Christianity and Jesus Christ.

It is believed to be so offensive that St Peter's church in Shrewsbury have postponed their tea and cake morning until next Wednesday, and Dorothy Green from Margate has written in to Points of view. :o

When will the madness end :?:
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1960mackem
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by 1960mackem » Thu Oct 18 2012 10:25am

Puns for Educated Minds

1.The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.

2.I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3.She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.

4.A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5.No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6.A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7.A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8.Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9.A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10.Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11.Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12.Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13.I wondered why the cricket ball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14.A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15.The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16.The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17.A backward poet writes inverse.

18.In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19.When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20.If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .

21.A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says,
'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

22.Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says,'Dam!'

23.Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that
you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24.Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says,'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

25.Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26.There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by kevinchess1 » Tue Nov 27 2012 10:20am

And in other news today
What the UN thought was a Mass grave of snowmen :( ...Turn out to be a field of carrots :lol:
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expressman33
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Re: Clean jokes - post 'em here

Post by expressman33 » Fri Dec 21 2012 4:16pm

Raich was lying down on the floor next to her new washing machine , when I asked her why she said she was trying to do a 90 degree wash
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