Over 18s jokes - post here

macliam · Post by **macliam** » Sun Jun 05 2016 10:13pm

expressman33 wrote:What starts with "F" and ends with "UCK"?
"firetruck"! What were you thinking?

I was thinking I'm not American

macliam · Post by **macliam** » Sun Jun 05 2016 10:16pm

kevinchess1 wrote:Q.
What has 8 hairy legs and is found in the showers?

A.
A macho Octopus?

kevinchess1 · Post by **kevinchess1** » Mon Jun 06 2016 9:37am

macliam wrote:
expressman33 wrote:What starts with "F" and ends with "UCK"?
"firetruck"! What were you thinking?
I was thinking I'm not American

I was thinking Friar Tuck

blythburgh · Post by **blythburgh** » Mon Jun 06 2016 9:46am

macliam wrote:
expressman33 wrote:What starts with "F" and ends with "UCK"?
"firetruck"! What were you thinking?
I was thinking I'm not American

I was thinking what do I effing care

kevinchess1 · Post by **kevinchess1** » Mon Jun 06 2016 11:18am

blythburgh wrote:
macliam wrote:
expressman33 wrote:What starts with "F" and ends with "UCK"?
"firetruck"! What were you thinking?
I was thinking I'm not American
I was thinking what do I effing care

Reminds me of a time when i worked for a V loud, rude chef who was trying to explain to the not V bright waiter that we had run out of fish.
The waiter couldn't grasp how we could have run out and kept asking for some
Chef' For the last time we have no C-O-F-D!'
Waiter there's no F in cod.'
Chef 'that's what I'm trying to tell you.'

kevinchess1 · Post by **kevinchess1** » Mon Jun 06 2016 3:23pm

macliam wrote:
expressman33 wrote:What starts with "F" and ends with "UCK"?
"firetruck"! What were you thinking?
I was thinking I'm not American

Expressman 'I'm struggling with this crossword but I'm certain one across is right.'
macliam 'What's the clue?'
Expressman 'Found at the bottom of a bird cage.' four letters, starts with S.'
macliam 'SAND.'
expresmman ' Can I borrow a rubber?'
macliam 'of course.' hands him a condom

kevinchess1 · Post by **kevinchess1** » Sun Jun 12 2016 1:45pm

If I had a pound for every time I unnecessarily sexualized a sentence I'd have £69.

kevinchess1 · Post by **kevinchess1** » Thu Jun 16 2016 9:46pm

man checks into a hotel, asks the clerk, "Is your porn disabled?" "No," replies the clerk, "It's the regular kind, you sicko

kevinchess1 · Post by **kevinchess1** » Fri Jun 17 2016 11:54pm

Luke turns up to his blind date front door with a big bunch of roses
'These are for you.' he says when she open the door in her dressing gown.
'Why thank you big boy come in.'
Once inside she drops her dressing gown to reveal she is stark naked! Laying down she spreads her legs and says 'This is for the roses.'
Luke looks at he, looks at the roses and says 'Have you not got a vase?'

kevinchess1 · Post by **kevinchess1** » Sat Jul 09 2016 1:47pm

Her: When you said "magical in bed" this isn't exactly what I was exp-
Luke: *Holds up 8 of hearts* is this your card
Her: *softly* Holy s**t

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