Clean jokes - 2015

kevinchess1 · Post by **kevinchess1** » Thu May 14 2015 7:45am

Watching "Total Recall" with my Geordie friend, he's disappointed by the lack of turtles

1960mackem · Post by **1960mackem** » Fri Jun 12 2015 12:41am

It's a sp...... .. ....... .. ace bar

Boro Boy · Post by **Boro Boy** » Fri Jun 12 2015 2:32pm

FIFA's own Joke:

Blatter & 2 FIFA Officials in a car - who's driving?

The Police!

kevinchess1 · Post by **kevinchess1** » Sun Jun 14 2015 11:04am

With my cannibal restaurant and bakery, I've got fingers in several pies.

Boro Boy · Post by **Boro Boy** » Wed Jun 24 2015 5:13pm

On a tour of Northeast, the Queen took a couple of days off to visit the east coast. Her Range Rover was driving along the golden sands when there was an enormous commotion.
They rushed to see what it was and upon approaching the scene the Queen noticed just outside the surf, a hapless man wearing a Sunderland jersey, struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 20 foot shark!
At that moment a speedboat containing three men wearing Newcastle tops sped into view. One of the men took aim at the shark and fired a harpoon into its ribs, immobilising it instantly. The other two reached out and pulled the Sunderland fan from the water and using long clubs beat the shark to death.
They bundled the bleeding, semi-conscious man into the speedboat along with the dead shark and prepared for a hasty retreat, when they heard frantic calling from the shore...... It was the Queen calling them to the beach.
On reaching land the Queen went into raptures about the rescue and said, "I'll give you a knighthood for your brave actions. I heard that the people of Newcastle and Sunderland were bigoted and trying to outdo each other, but now I see this is a truly enlightened example of tribal harmony which could serve as a model for other nations."
She knighted them and drove off.
As she departed the Newcastle harpoonist asked the others, "Who was that?!" "That" one answered "was the Queen, she rules Britain and knows everything about our country"
"Well" the Newcastle harpoonist replied, "she knows feck all about shark fishing, how’s the bait holding up or do we need to get another?"

kevinchess1 · Post by **kevinchess1** » Mon Jun 29 2015 3:12pm

Why have all the Facebook profiles got Rainbows on them

Has Bungle died

kevinchess1 · Post by **kevinchess1** » Sun Jul 12 2015 2:14pm

Shocking to think that every day an area the size of Norwich remains Norwich

kevinchess1 · Post by **kevinchess1** » Fri Jul 17 2015 2:03pm

A bloke asked me if he could put a teabag in my mouth and fill me with boiling water, he must think I'm some kind of mug

kevinchess1 · Post by **kevinchess1** » Sat Jul 18 2015 9:56am

Smash capitalism!
(Sent from my Smart watch)

kevinchess1 · Post by **kevinchess1** » Sun Jul 19 2015 11:36pm

Sunderland FC have announced a three-way joint shirt sponsorship deal with an oil company, a designer clothing brand and a parcel delivery firm.

The shirt sponsor logos will read

Total
fcuk
UPS

Clean jokes - 2015

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